Don't update your Facebook relationship status until five months in. “I love you” after four and a half months and had a talk about “the future” by a year. . 4 Online Dating Sites that Actually Work for FreeTop US Dating Sites|. Some say the honeymoon phase is the best part of a relationship, others argue that it's We've been together for 2 and a half years and honestly it's still there, just We've been together almost 5 years, lived together for 4. If you've been with someone for four years, you're probably a LOT more 4. and you may even be asked to weigh in on their family matters.
I was getting a lot of love and attention from him - he truly showed me so much love that I felt I could never find anyone who would treat me better. Despite having some personal sexual issues, I was completely trusting of him.
The 5 Stages Of Relationships: Which Relationship Stage Is Yours At?
Trust was never an issue for either one of us. Eventually, we both got jobs and I went to school and we started seeing each other less, but it was still all right for both of us. We would make time for each other, and text or talk on the phone regularly. I always had a lot of friends and interests outside of our relationship, so my whole world was not revolving around seeing him, although obviously he was a very important part of my life, and a top priority.
Around spring of last year, things started to change. He became more distant and did not put as much effort into hanging out with me or talking to me. He was putting a lot of effort into his career, which was understandable, but not making enough time to see me, which made me feel neglected and unappreciated, especially after years of being showered with attention. He became critical of me in many ways.
He eventually confronted me and told me that he wasn't sure how he felt about me anymore. He said he felt like he loved me, but wasn't IN love with me anymore. I was very hesitant to accept this and taken completely by surprise as I thought he would never say that to me, and was visibly upset by it.
The 5 Relationship Stages
Ultimately I left the ball in his court and let him decide what to do. He decided we should take a two week break. However after around three days, he called me saying he couldn't do it, and needed me in his life.
He told me that he had picked up the phone to call me so many times and realized he did love me, and wanted to be with me.
I was very relieved and happy with his decision and we stayed together. Even though our relationship was not perfect, I was happy and comfortable with him.
Recently though, things had been becoming the same again. I was being neglected - no calls, no texts, no making time to see me. He was completely consumed by his job, but I wasn't asking for much, just a glimpse of the person he used to be, who sent me sweet messages saying he was thinking of me or buying me flowers because I had a bad day. Whenever I did see him, he barely spoke to me, conversation and affection were both forced on his part. He wouldn't greet me with a hug or a kiss, or a very forced one.
We would have awkward dinners in which I would desperately try to engage him in conversation but he would only offer one word answers. He never really wanted me to come over to his house anymore. It made me feel unwanted in all ways. However every once in a while we had good days, days that reminded me of why we were together, and it was hope for more of those days that kept me believing in our relationship.
I had told him he needed to change several times and he acknowledged it every time, but did nothing to change it. I told him every feeling that I felt. He said he was sorry and he loved me and would try his best, and I couldn't help but wonder, why would you have to "try" to show affection to your long-term girlfriend? I wrote him a long letter telling him how I felt I deserved better and missed the way he used to treat me.
It wasn't a break up letter, just everything I felt in writing. I held it in my room waiting for the right time to give it to him.
Their relationship eventually emotionally flatlines, along with their sex life. Overcoming The Power Struggle Stage The other alternative is that you overcome the Power Struggleeither on your own, or with professional guidance. You graduate from the Power Struggle stage when you: The only reason my partner and I are together today is because we sought professional help.
So what can you look forward to beyond the Power Struggle? You both have clear boundaries and you need to learn mutual respect. You can get stuck in this stage if you get too attached to the peace and stability that comes with it.
Remember that all growth requires change and getting outside your comfort zone.
The Commitment Stage In the commitment stage, you fully surrender to the reality that you and your partner are human and that your relationship has shortcomings as a result. You have learned to love each other by having to like each other and you choose each other consciously. I choose you knowing all I know about you, good and bad. The trap in this stage is thinking that all your work is done.
While this may be somewhat true on an individual level, your work in the world as a couple is just beginning. Most people get married in the Romance stage when they are high on drugs, and before they have learned to navigate conflict.
You move beyond the relationship and your relationship becomes a gift to the world. Often, couples in this stage work on a project together — some kind of shared creative work that is intended to contribute to the world in some way e.
These stages are not a linear process; they are more like a spiral, circling upwards. You retain the lessons you learned at each stage and bring them forward as you grow — you are in one stage or another at any given time with bits of the others thrown in for good measure.Stay in - or Leave - a Relationship?
Lastly, please leave me a comment below and let me know which of the 5 relationship stages your relationship is in.