If your feelings are based on your reputation rather than your heart you Ask yourself if the relationship is worth all the drama. You love your parents but your relationship is important to you as well. . You are gay, your partner is gay and no amount of lamenting by your parents is going to change that. Even if you think you're a team player, meeting half way can be From our intimate relationships to our political process, why is it so After you've decided that you're willing to compromise in a situation, how do you do it without making yourself or The One Word That Can Hurt Your Reputation at Work. It has the power to build your business, relationships and reputation. It sets the tone for your I have met many bosses who have no understanding of this concept. I used to think Surround Yourself With People Of Strong Character Success In 60 Seconds: Beth Comstock On How To Navigate Change.
At best, the things said about you -- while unflattering -- may simply be uncomplimentary or cast you in a bad light like fluorescent ; at worst, they can damage your reputation, ruin your relationships, cost you opportunities both personal and professional, deal a permanent blow to your self-confidence, and fundamentally alter how you and those around you perceive you and your place in the world. Character assassination is dirty fighting, make no mistake about it.
It can be cowardly like anyone who bad-mouths you behind your back to friends or colleaguesor it can be in-your-face like politicians who make no secret about their intent to wreck an opponent's reputation.
Before we get started, I need to do a quick check to make sure I'm giving you the right guidance. If you are undergoing a character assassination as we speak, or seem to be cycling through them like Rasputin, it is possible that you are simply an asshole. This is probably the case if: If this is in fact the case, then I can't help you.
It does no good for me to teach you how to survive the character assassination that your own lousy personality brings on. I suggest picking up a nice Dr.
How to Survive a Character Assassination
Phil book I hear that Self Matters is actually quite good for this and working on not being such a douchebag. If the problem persists despite your new found friends and sunny Oprah-esque outlook, then by all means please do come back here and continue reading. The very first question that pops into every single person's head who undergoes character assassination is, "WHY?
The reason for the question above is simple enough: That someone's taken an intentional, damaging, and in all cases hurtful shot at you is extremely disquieting; more than anything we want to know why. Covert or not, you're about to be at war with someone, and it's usually nice to know why you're going to war before you actually do unless like me you're an American, in which case that can be a bit of a grey area. We'll get back to why in the middle of this article; the role it plays might surprise you First let's take a quick look at the kinds of people who engage in this sort of bullshit tactic, and what you can learn about them.
They don't want to be left behind, and so rather than let you go, this idiot is going to try to wreck the place you're going to before you get settled in.
This type of person often engages in character assassination as a by-product of regret -- namely, regret about losing control or 'ownership' of you typically after facilitating your introduction to the very area you're moving on to.
The Angry Help Desk Supervisors. Just kidding; no, these folks are pissed off at you because you remind them of where they are in the world. Or rather, where they aren't. Don't pay much attention to these people, as 1 they're pretty much angry at everyone equally, and 2 they won't have much ammunition to throw at you because they're too busy being angry all the time, at everyone.
The Devious These are the most dangerous of the types of people who will try to wreck your character, most of all because they're usually sociopaths. These people don't hate you, these people see the destruction or damage of your character as a means to an end in realizing their own goals. They usually have no conscience or sense of remorse, nor do they care what happens to you after they've destroyed you. They may even commence a clandestine character assassination against you, only to seemingly come to your aide in public to thwart the attempt, for no other reason than to create a perception that they are someone you can trust -- which they'll later use to their advantage.
The Envious This one here's usually at the root of nearly all character assassinations, and the one I'll spend the most time on.How to Improve Your Relationship
What happens to the envious is that you or whatever it is that you've done to piss them off acts like a giant mirror, reflecting back their own perceived inadequacies and lame excuses for not getting on with their lives. See, if you're doing or achieving something they believe inside themselves that they should be doing or achieving -- and they're not -- it forces them to ask themselves WHY see, I told you we'd get back to that. And the answer to that question is not one that the person trying to screw you over wants to hear, because it is painful to realize.
So what do they do? They tell themselves that they could be doing or achieving whatever you're doing or achieving IF You're not special or talented; you're willing to do things and make compromises that they're not.
A Promise Is a Promise
However, there's a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. You'll need to present your thoughts and ideas with a high degree of confidence, indicating your convictions, but any excessive degree of confidence could be mistaken for needless arrogance, which will compromise your perceived authority. Tread carefully, especially when you're unfamiliar with your audience or if you're presenting your thoughts on an area outside of your expertise.
This assertiveness should extend as a general quality to all your interactions, regardless of whether you're speaking to employees above, below, or at your level, and regardless of the conversation format. Flexibility is also important. While this may seem like it conflicts with the need to be assertive--after all, it's difficult to assert yourself fully if you're open to changing your opinion--being too stringent or adamant in your beliefs will work against you.
In this case, people will come to see you as a stubborn, immovable monolith, incapable of believing in anyone other than yourself. This can decrease the respect people have for you and compromise your overall influence.
A Promise Is a Promise
Instead, work actively to show your flexibility while holding firm on your beliefs. Negotiations and compromises are often the best ways to do this.
Stay rigid in your beliefs when someone contradicts you, but work with them to find a mutually acceptable solution.
When people believe you to be flexible, they'll be more likely to listen to you even if they're stubborn in their own right. A little personality goes a long way, especially when you're trying to build influence in the workplace.
This is especially important when you're in a higher position, as a boss or a supervisor. Instead, go out of your way to have personal exchanges with your employees and co-workers.
You don't need to build friendships, but there's no reason why you can't get to know each other. Personal working relationships are important for cultivating a sense of team, and if people see you as another person on the team, they'll be more receptive when you disclose your ideas or opinions.
The key here is to seem imperfect, approachable, and human. Focus on Actions Rather Than Argument. Trying to build influence through words is useless. If you're going to build influence in the workplace, you need to speak through your actions, or at the very least have the actions and history to back up whatever it is you're saying. Part of this comes into play when you build consistency.
Working hard consistently and getting consistently good results shows people that you're able to walk the walk. Demonstrating your ideas through real examples is the next step in this process. Instead of arguing about how your structure will work in theory, put it to the test.
Show instead of tell.
Finally, remember that influence is a two-way street. The more you believe in the people around you and incorporate their ideas into your vision, the more they'll believe in your ideas and incorporate them into their work habits.
If you want to build up this kind of relationship with your co-workers and employees, you first have to listen. Listen to everyone's opinion, and encourage people to speak up, especially if they don't often voice their opinions.
Take time to respect and acknowledge everybody's opinion, and let people know that you value them.