Borderline personality disorder cuts a wide swath of destruction. had stormed off over something she did—and that they'd refused to borderlines have difficulty maintaining stable relationships or even holding down a job. Do you want to learn more about a current relationship? They typically leave based off of a lack of preparation for the fact that you have BPD, as opposed to. “It's hard being in a relationship with someone who suffers from BPD. having relationships with someone who has BPD—makes stories of intact and they are always trying to fight off what they perceive as rejection and.
Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have: I must be loved by all the important people in my life at all times or else I am worthless. Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me. If someone treats me badly, then I become bad. When I am alone, I become nobody and nothing.
These thoughts may be completely at odds with your own perception of your partner, but it is imperative to understand that for them, they are very real, and can drive them toward extreme and seemingly irrational behavior. Navigating through this emotional minefield can be difficult and painful for both of you, but knowing that their thoughts and behaviors are the product of intensely powerful perceptional distortions deeply rooted in their mental health disorder, rather than a reflection of your own shortcomings, can bring some comfort.
For Thomas, educating himself about BPD helped him move from self-blame to empathy and compassion: There are a lot of nuances, complexities, and lines to be read through with BPD, but mostly I see Borderline Personality Disorder as an illness about pain, fear, and struggling to cope with all of that. But the common conception is just [that they are] crazy, which is an extraordinarily damaging misconception to those who suffer from it. For relationships to have a chance of succeeding, this is a critical piece: Call for a Free Confidential Assessment.
Passion and intense emotions are enlivening to the person without BPD, who finds being alone depressing or experiences healthy people as boring. Codependents already have low self-esteem and poor boundaries, so they placate, accommodate, and apologize when attacked in order to maintain the emotional connection in the relationship. Setting a boundary can sometimes snap them out of their delusional thinking.
Calling their bluff also is helpful. Both strategies require that you build his or her self-esteem, learn to be assertive, and derive outside emotional support.
How to Cope When a Partner or Spouse Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Giving in to them and giving them control does not make them feel more safe, but the opposite. See also my blog on manipulation.
BPD affects women more than men and about two percent of the U. BPD usually is diagnosed in young adulthood when there has been a pattern of impulsivity and instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions.
When Your Loved One Has Borderline Personality Disorder
They may use alcohol, food, or drugs or other addiction to try to self-medicate their pain, but it only exacerbates it. Like all personality disorders, BPD exists on a continuum, from mild to severe. To diagnose BPD, at least five of the following symptoms must be enduring and present in a variety of areas: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
Unstable and intense personal relationships, marked by alternating idealization and devaluation.
What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
Persistently unstable sense of self. Risky, potentially self-damaging impulsivity in at least two areas e. Around eight to 10 percent actually commit suicide. Chronic feelings of emptiness. Frequent, intense, inappropriate temper or anger.
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms. Hostile family environments, childhood abuse and neglect, and separation from caregivers can also increase the risk.
Some research indicates BPD can emerge when parts of the brain that help regulate emotions and aggressive impulses are not functioning well. Psychotherapy, otherwise known as talk therapy, can be incredibly valuable for treating BPD. In addition to learning about the signs and symptoms of the disorder, individuals can gain skills for managing difficult emotions, developing and maintaining relationships, reducing impulsive decision-making, and improving daily functioning. The therapy helps people change unhealthy patterns of behavior by becoming more mindful about the emotions and reactions they are experiencing in the moment.
To date there are no drugs approved by the FDA that have been specifically created to treat personality disorders. However, some people find that medications can help reduce anxiety or impulsivity in individuals.
These might include antidepressants, mood-stabilizers, and antipsychotic medications. If an individual with BPD experience intense symptoms, such as self-injury or physically harming others, they may be in need of inpatient treatment at a hospital or other residential program. How should I structure the home environment?
People with BPD benefit from a home environment that is calm and relaxed. All involved family members including a boyfriend or girlfriend should know not to discuss important issues when the individual is in crisis mode. Stop to take a breath yourself when they do become emotionally reactive.
People with BPD should have opportunities to talk about their interests and thoughts about the news, family events, and other leisure activities. Take the time to laugh at a funny joke or eat dinner together several times a week. The less an individual feels like his or her mental illness is under the spotlight, the more opportunity they have to explore other aspects of themselves.
How can I communicate effectively during a crisis? When a loved one becomes reactive, they may become to insult you or make unfair accusations. The natural response is to become defensive and to match the level of reactivity. They struggle to gauge what is a minor issue and what is a full blown catastrophe.