Running hot and cold in a relationship

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running hot and cold in a relationship

Just because your relationship is hot and cold doesn't mean you're doomed. Lots of couples are able to moderate their relationship so it's not. So you're here because you want to know why guys run hot and cold. When a guy comes on really really strong at the start of a relationship, only to back off. If you're in a relationship with a man who runs hot and cold you'll be at his mercy unless you get a grip on yourself. Nothing will make you more crazy and.

That is essentially the switch women feel. Something outside of the relationship is bothering him. This is usually the number one reason a man will pull away or withdraw from a relationship. Men deal with stress and difficulties differently than most women. Men typically prefer to retreat and work things out internally rather than talking about it and seeking others out for comfort. The best thing you can do is just do nothing. Give him the space he needs and just focus on your own life.

Men are not in a headspace to be compassionate and loving when they are stressed and off balance and it will be very hard for you not to take his behavior personally. But only if you respect his need for space!

The Hot and Cold Guy: Why Is He Hot and Cold (And What to Do About It)

This is a huge mistake most women make. He wants to slow things down. So he settles into a more comfortable routine, and that often means he is slightly less engaged in the relationship. No one wants this to be the truth.

running hot and cold in a relationship

At the root of his hot and cold behavior is a whopping dose of uncertainty. The switch you feel in this scenario is really just him testing the waters to see if he wants to dive in. Your guy has been playing the hot and cold game. First things first, take an honest look at the relationship and try to figure out the reason for his behavior.

running hot and cold in a relationship

It will most likely be due to one of the three reasons listed above. No matter what the reason, the worst possible thing to do is chase after him. When you advance, they'll pull away. After a cycle or two of this routine you'll be so confused you won't know which way to move. The pattern repeats itself for as long as you're willing to play this game. The beautiful truth is that this has nothing to do with you.

You're not at fault. There's nothing you did, or didn't do, that's causing this. Don't let your friends analyze your situation and convince you otherwise. Just notice where you are in the cycle and don't let it disempower you. Understanding what comes next puts you back in control of your own reactions. There's a marked difference between a relationship hiccup and the game of hot and cold. Relationship hiccups occur because your partner is emotionally invested, but scared. There's open communication about their fear.

Once stated, the hot phase normally reboots and continues with forward movement. A hot and cold player reverts to cold as the norm, with bursts of hot that don't result in forward movement.

The Dating Game of Hot and Cold | HuffPost

The root cause of this behavior is a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable; love. It's a way to feel love without getting hurt. But the partner, who's committed to playing safe, will never allow himself or herself to experience love. They'll toy at it, dipping their toes in and out of the water without ever getting wet.

The Dating Game of Hot and Cold

The cycles of hot and cold may make you feel like the powerless one. It appears as though as though your partner has all the strength.

But it's just the opposite -- real power is the ability to maintain intimacy. Power and strength of this caliber have no fear of being honest and direct.

Games are an ego default when being "real" feels too scary. Authenticity takes tremendous courage. Being open and honest is a gift that's born of inner confidence and self-worth. Here's where the tables turn in your favor. Once you recognize this pattern, you've already gained your freedom from the automatic response instigated by your partner's game.

There's nothing to lose. Authentic communication reveals your partner's fears, allowing their concerns to be voiced and worked out while maintaining connection. Does your questioning meet hostility, defensiveness or resistance? If so, you've gained valuable information. This is a partner who's in the game for an ego boost and doesn't possess the skill set required for a relationship with you. Cut your losses and walk away. Your time's better spent with someone who is capable of honesty, intimacy, and consistent behavior.

After questioning, does your partner react with concern or guilt? Do they reveal their inner conflict? If so, then you may have stumbled upon a highly sensitive and fearful individual. Evaluate your partner carefully. Do they have the capacity for trust?

The Hot and Cold Guy: Why Is He Hot and Cold (And What to Do About It)

Do they want to explore the possibility of a relationship with you? These are easy questions to ask when you know what you want and what you deserve. Games are used in lieu of the ability to be real.