Telling the truth in a relationship

Why Is It So Difficult To Tell The Truth? | goop

telling the truth in a relationship

Honesty is crucial to a healthy relationship with ourselves and others. So what is so difficult about the telling the truth?. Keeping it paramount in your relationship will bring in more good and keep the bad It is also about telling the truth in a way that your partner will hear it and. Countless folks in the TDL community have shared about relationships that have gone awry. They feel like they've been living a lie, or are mad.

Well there are two situations I am going to talk to you about here today in this sort of dilemma. The first kind of situation is one in which your partner is asking you about something that you simply do not want to talk about.

telling the truth in a relationship

In this case the situation is very simple. You simply have to not tell them.

It's so important to tell the truth in relationships! - Daily Love with Mastin Kipp

If they ask you further questions, such as why not? But do not worry! It is your choice not to share private information at any given time! You simply have to say this which is a good thing to say even if they do not press the issue further: This makes sure that you are both mutually investing in one another, and can turn the occasion of bringing up a checkered personal history into an intimate date in which you two really bond and learn a lot more about each other.

Now this second scenario is a little more dangerous. Now this could be something that your partner might not find out about for a while…but believe me…they will suspect that something is up while you are holding it in…and there will come a time when they question you about it.

By way of a for instance, oftentimes when two people are dating and one person is still seeing other people, but the other person is not, and is trying to become a couple, but they have not had the exclusivity conversation yet…well the person not seeing others will find out that the other person had been out on a date with another person…and then they will confront the other about it.

And what happens if this person lies and says they had not been out on said date? Then the person doing the confrontation has full rights to take a very offensive stance…why? Because a lie is an admission of guilt! By lying about something you are showing that you know you were in the wrong! And whats more isb this…and this is where I give you some secret insider info from the social science realm… You see, when someone is going to confront another person in a lie…they have already rehearsed what they are going to say in their head.

telling the truth in a relationship

They were probably in the shower that morning going over the dramatic soliloquy they were going to give you, and all the ways they were going to tear you a new one… So if you lie…you are in for it!

It is already pre-ordained! Tell the exact truth, in the most bold, blunt, and honest manner in which they did not expect to hear it! Why do we lie? What are the obstacles to achieving this kind of clarity and how do we overcome them?

Love and honesty: what we hide and why we lie

And once we gain clarity, how do we communicate truthfully in a productive and positive manner? A My wife and I were touring the Amazon jungle when our guide suddenly stopped.

Carefully, he reached down and picked up a spider from a tree branch. He easily manipulated the hairy tarantula by its bulbous abdomen.

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It was completely frozen, like a statue. He pointed to a tiny, pearl-like object on the back of its abdomen and explained it was an egg, planted there by a parasitic wasp.

telling the truth in a relationship

The spider had been stung and temporarily immobilized so the wasp could transplant its egg. Soon, the spider would shake off the trauma and go about its life as usual; completely unaware of the danger it carried. Days later and without warning, the tarantula would stop cold in its tracks. Within seconds, a new wasp, that had eaten the spider from the inside out, would emerge from its abdomen and fly away, leaving behind the empty carcass of its host. Like the wasp larva, feelings buried alive never die, especially fear.

Lying comes from fear.

telling the truth in a relationship

You may be late meeting someone and blame it on the traffic or cover up being fired to avoid embarrassment. The scenarios surrounding why we lie are endless. The fact is that our lies are born from our traumas, both big and small. The first lie is the one we tell ourselves. So, we repress the truth and our feelings about it with a lie to keep the pain at bay.

We never lie to protect the feelings of others. They become defensive when their partner tries to share the honest truth with them.

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A serious talk, then, can easily lead to an argument — and this leads to a failure of honest communication. The more failures there are, the less likely the couple will try to communicate on a genuine level in the future — to the detriment of intimacy in their relationship.

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Telling the Truth Truth is difficult for many of us. We all engage in a bit of self-deception in our lives. There are things about ourselves that we have not been able to examine or accept.

We have difficulty in admitting our flaws — even to ourselves, much more so to our partners. Sometimes we guard our intimate feelings because we have been hurt in the past when we tried to share them with others, so that trust is a difficult area for us. For example, if you and your partner are feeling unloved and lonely, but you try to cover it up by saying that everything is fine, you will continue to feel isolated.

telling the truth in a relationship

Our commitment to a relationship means that we have decided to open ourselves up to another person, flaws and all. To continue to deceive ourselves with our partner impedes the intimacy of the relationship. A relationship has the potential to provide a healthy way to come to terms with our issues, both personal and interpersonal. Accepting the truth, and talking about it, can free us of pain and set the stage for a healthier future.

The issues we have been holding on to alone for so long lose their force when they are shared with someone who loves us. Telling the truth can bring down the barriers that isolate us from our partners. It can lead to a new level of self-acceptance and authenticity in our own lives — and this in turn leads to a stronger level of commitment and intimacy in our relationship.

The truth can make us whole and set us free. Here are some guidelines for telling the truth — Understand what you intend to do when you communicate. This calls for an honest look at your motivations. If you intend to create healing, clarity, or a deeper sense of intimacy within the relationship, your intention will probably lead to these results.

If, on the other hand, you want to make yourself look good and your partner look bad — or if you want to hurt your partner — then distrust will result from the communication. Assess how well your partner can handle the truth. There are times when your partner may not be ready to have heartfelt talks. A clue to this is when your partner continually rejects, or is unable to hear, your attempts at increased closeness.

Then, when you feel comfortable in telling the truth and trusting, it will be time to engage in heartfelt talks with your partner. Some people prefer to start the process alone with a therapist, since they are trained to listen non-judgmentally and are less likely to take things personally.

Understand your own fears about telling the truth. Communicating on an honest and truthful level makes you vulnerable. You may feel that you will be misunderstood or that your partner will judge you negatively. Our fears are based on past experiences and reside within us. They are often unrealistic. The higher goal is to communicate truthfully with your partner in order to have a more satisfying relationship, and this means having the courage to confront your fears.