Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 2 - Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue
The Importance of Silence After a Break Up If you've been reading this out after sex or a few dates, or explicitly ending a long term relationship. In any of these situations, cutting him off completely will accomplish five things: 1. Taken from a lovely blog called The Rules Revisited, therulesrevisited. com. The Rules Revisited . Dating and relationships are rife with cliche lines and expressions. People .. Why You Should Tell Him That You Are Cutting Him Off. But, if you cut him off, he won't know whether or not he just threw away the . The thing is I was in a relationship for 3 years with a guy who has.
But if you respond to him reaching out to you, that does count as breaking the rule. Responding is the same as reaching out to him on your own. No personal questions, no relationship questions, nothing about either of your lives. Stay focused on only the emergency that he contacted you about.
The only way to truly gain the benefits of the no contact rule is to follow it all the way through. That means that if you broke the no contact rule, the only thing to be done is to start the no contact period over again.
The only thing that will get him missing you again is time, and the only way to get him thinking about how good the relationship was and forgetting about the pain is uninterrupted time without contact. You know what that means. Shoot for about 10 minutes and then end the conversation with him. Showing bitterness or resentment is only going to drive him further away from you.
This is about trusting that giving him time is going to make him miss you, and getting into a better mindset so you are as attractive to him as possible. The alternative is panicking, stalking him, texting him constantly, and begging him to take you back — which never works. Trust that this is the only way to get him back and keep him for good. Also, you need time to recover from the breakup and come out stronger, happier, and more positive.
It seems so over the top. These mistakes will drive your ex away from you and all but ruin your chances of ever getting back together with him.
Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 2
These mistakes happen when you follow your instincts after a breakup. In addition, giving in to him and giving him everything he wants shows him desperation. It makes your vibe desperate, which turns him off consciously and unconsciously and ruins your chances with him.
In fact, a lot of relationships end with this fatal mistake. You two were doing fun things together. You were enjoying getting to know each other and exploring with each other. You were equal with each other.
Like you have to chase after him to get his attention. Like you have to bother him to get affection from him. Unfortunately, all that does is make him lose respect for you and see you as desperate, which undermines the relationship even more and pushes him away even further.
Exactly How To Get Your Ex Back In 5 Steps Guaranteed
The only way to have a good relationship is if you demand a good relationship from him. The key mistake here is trying to convince him to get back together with you. That makes you look needy and desperate — which will turn him off completely. He knows you love him — he just broke up with you. Remember, a conclusion he comes to on his own is always going to be way more powerful than a conclusion you manipulate him into making.
All begging or using pity does is convince him that he made the right move. It sabotages your vibe and makes you seem needy and desperate, which forces him to recoil from you and push you away from his life. And rebound relationships are totally ineffective ways of moving on. All it will do is remind him that he cares about you more, and that he wants you back in his life.
It will push him even further towards the other girl, and once again make you come off as needy and desperate. Your instincts are going to be screaming at you to call him and text him all the time.
You miss him, you want to talk to him, you want him to acknowledge you, you want contact with him! Unfortunately, your instincts are working against you. Contact with him will only push him further away and tell him he was right to break up with you. After all, he broke your heart! Even if it feels good in the short run as a cathartic release of pain and frustration, in the long run it will surely drive him away from you forever.
It will just mess you up and push him away. That will turn him off and drive him away from you faster than anything else — so definitely avoid this mistake. So let him come to his own conclusions about the relationship. Those are the top fatal mistakes that will destroy your chances at getting him back.
Think about it this way: If you never detox from the relationship, then that same negativity, desperation, and pain will prevent you from ever getting him back. What does it mean for your mind to be working against you? It means that your negative emotions are in control of you. These 4 weeks of no contact are your detox period.
You need a foundation of positive emotions in order to get him back — and to do that you have to let go of your negative emotions. The best, most effective way to let go of negative emotions is to point blank accept the fact that the relationship is over.
The best first step to take towards detox is this: So write down his phone number and address on a piece of paper and keep it somewhere out of the way, then delete them out of your phone. Get rid of all the pictures on your computer and your phone that remind you of him. Delete his screen names from your lists and get rid of his emails and texts.
Take any gifts and physical reminders that you have of him and put them away and out of sight. Remember, your goal is to have nothing that reminds you of him in your day to day life. The second step towards detox is to erase his power over you. Instead of thinking about him, there are a number of things you can do to trick your mind into forgetting about him for a while, so that you can relax and stop obsessing.
There are a few great ways to do that. The most effective one is also the simplest — set your mind on someone else. Although this demonstration is unlikely to increase his attraction for you enough to make him change his decision, you will avoid confirming him in his decision by showing him that you are needy, pathetic and desperate - all of which are obvious symptoms of being below his league. It will show him what he is missing by way of contrast. By forcing him to experience life with you, and then suddenly without you in other words, before and after the break upyou will emphasize whatever feelings he has as a result of his decision.
First he has you, then he doesn't. The starker that contrast is, the more he will feel your absence, and the more likely it is that he will miss you and want you back. Again, it is unlikely that this effect will be enough to make him change his mind, but in some instances it will be.
It will force him to think about his options seriously. As long you stay in touch with him, he will know that he can have you back at any moment, and he will feel no urgency to reverse his decision. By staying in touch with him, you effectively give him a "safety net.
It will empower you. Although you have no control over his decision to break up with you or stop dating you, you can control what happens as a result of that decision.
In fact, you are the sole person capable of "enforcing" the consequences of his decision. By hanging on and hoping to get him back, you give him all of the power. But if you force him to live with the consequences of his decision i.
You seize what little control you can in the interaction. Although this probably won't change the outcome of the situation, it will go a long way towards bolstering your ego and self-esteem in the face of his rejection. You will transform yourself from someone who is pathetic and dejected in light of inevitable circumstances, into a person who exercises influence on the outcome of her situation - and her ex's situation.