Lesson Healthy Relationships (Colossians ) | dayline.info
Desperate love can be understood as a fusional style of adult love relations for desperate love grounded in developmental object relations theory, and then attempts to . It is far easier to experience love than to define it, and for good reason. .. However, it is quoted from the Bible (Song of Solomon, ), and while it. The goal of this paper is to provide a new definition of a Biblical. Hebrew (BH) verbal .. native and later into fusional;; and, yet again, from fusional into analytical . There is also a semantic relationship between resultative ex- pressions and. They seek authentic relationships and are in search of truth. .. Learning the meaning of engagement is begun by developing solidarity and projects . Children and adolescents need to work out their fusional tendencies, but . Spiritual life is confused with intellectual and poetic life, the Bible is translated.
We still have much to learn about living in harmony with others. In short, their knowledge of the Christian faith and of the Church remains at the level of cliches and the intellectual reconstructions going around in society in television dramas and in the cinema. In a society that, for various reasons, fosters doubt and cynicism, fear and helplessness, immaturity and childishness, some young people tend to stay at the level of primary gratification.
They find it hard to be grown-up and mature. Maturity usually defines personalities who have managed to put in place the basic functions of their psychological selves and who are able to differentiate between their inner lives and their surroundings. Many young people who remain psychologically immature often have trouble making this distinction.
What they feel and imagine often takes the place of the facts and reality of the outer world. This state of affairs is amplified and fed by the media psychology that stirs the contemporary mind, and by the virtual world created by video games and the internet.
These things predispose them to living in an imaginary and virtual world without having learned to be in contact with reality. Reality tends to disappoint and depress them. They seek out places where they can mix with others and have sensations that give them the feeling that they are really living. It remains to be seen if these experiences create true relationships and contribute to the emotional and intellectual improvement of their personalities.
They are relatively ambivalent in this regard because they want to enter reality and yet escape from it. Young people today are just like those of previous generations: However, they have fewer social references and a weaker sense of belonging than their elders had. They are individualistic and they want to make their own choices without holding to any system of values, ideas or common laws. They want to borrow references from all over the place and to experiment with them in their way of life.
They easily adapt to egalitarianism and tolerance, and are steeped in discourses and fashions from the media which actually serve as norms on which they build their characters. They can easily conform to fashion like sponges that soak it all up, rather than build their freedom upon reasons for living and loving. This explains the emotional fragility and the self-doubt with which they struggle. Their emotional lives display numerous doubts beginning with identity, sexual and family doubts.
They are often confused about their feelings and cannot yet distinguish between an attraction of friendship and a homosexual tendency. The coeducational system that they have experienced since their childhood can, at the post-adolescent stage, complicate the man-woman relationship.
Moreover, the large number of divorces today does not help them to have trust in others or in the future. These personalities are the result of an education, a schooling and sometimes a catechesis that does not adequately form their intelligence.
They were trained to use their emotions and feelings to the detriment of reason which embraces knowledge, memory and reflection. They are close to all possible sensations just like those experienced through drugs. Instead of saying, "I think, therefore I am", they, through their behaviour, say, "I have feelings, therefore I am reassured". When they come across adults who really are adults, who remain so in their behaviour and know how to transmit life values, as does Pope John Paul II, then they listen to what they are being told about Christian experience in the hope that they will receive insights from it.
We try to make small children autonomous beginning from the creche and pre-school, and at the same time we have adolescents, and particularly post-adolescents, who have trouble dealing psychologically with letting go, although, when listening to them, you realise that this is something they want to do.
In order to free themselves from this handicap, they look for support so that they can lean on psychological, social and spiritual resources. Even though they deny it, they are dependant people. During childhood, their desires and expectations were given such importance to the detriment of external reality and objective needs, that they end up thinking that everything can be manipulated according to their own subjective interests. Then, at the onset of adolescence, if they lack sufficient resources and inner stability, they try to develop dependant relationships in their group or couple relationships.
If I have invented the term "baby couples" it is to describe their affective economy which does not always differentiate between infantile sexuality and objective sexuality. They pass from attachment to parents to sentimental attachment while maintaining the same affective economy.
Education, with its legitimate concern to attend to the quality of relationships with the child, has been too centred on emotional well-being sometimes to the detriment of facts, knowledge, cultural codes and moral values, and this does not help young people to build their characters.
It is more of a narcissistic expansion than real personal development. It often produces personalities that are certainly amenable and congenial, but sometimes also superficial and even trivial and that do not always have a sense of limits and reality.
They can be brazen and sometimes over familiar, confusing private codes with social codes, forgetting all sense of hierarchy, authority, the sacred, and the standards and rules of "correct discourse". Some of them have not learned the rules for living with others, beginning with the rules of the road and including the ritualisation of family and social life.
The adults who have always gone out of their way to make sure they lack nothing are the cause now of young people thinking that all their desires must be satisfied, confusing them with needs. Desires are not there to be fulfilled: They also have difficulty in allowing themselves to be different and in detaching themselves from their early points of reference in order to make their own lives.
WYD - The world of youth today: who are they and what do they seek?
Growing up implies psychological separation, leaving one's childhood and adolescence behind. But this separation is difficult for many because the psychological space between parents and children are confused.
This testimony from Laurent, twenty-eight years old, married, father of one, is significant: I have difficulty in accepting this dimension. For me, adults are my parents. I am in contradiction with myself. In my mind I am like a child or adolescent with terrible anxieties, while at the same time, the outer me is an adult and considered as such in the workplace.
There is nothing in society to help us become adults. In this case, it is difficult to free oneself from childhood means of gratification in order to reach for higher levels of fulfilment. This hazy concept of life is inherent in adolescence, and it is even more worrying when it continues in post-adolescents who are so unsure of their motivations that they have no self confidence.
Some of them suffer as a result and are even afraid of a measure of depersonalisation in their relations with others. Many just put it off and live in a provisional way not knowing if they will be able to continue what they started in different areas of their lives.
Others continue to live their youth as an end in itself and as an enduring state. In the past, on the other hand, youth was a period lived in function of the future and of an autonomous existence: Nowadays, such a long drawn-out youth brings about some uncertainty in making life choices.
Some prefer to postpone final decisions, to delay their entry into adult life and decisive commitments. As they do not question their independence problems, they do not feel obliged to make important choices. Moreover, a strong tendency to experiment can be seen in many spheres of life.
Thus young people can easily leave their families, but they return and settle in after a failure or a difficulty. The main difference between this and preceding generations who made precise choices with priorities is the tendency to live various aspects of life at the same time, sometimes contradictory, and without prioritising their own need and values. Some young people today are very dependant on the need to experiment because, as things have not been passed down to them, they think that nothing is known about life and that everything has to be discovered and invented.
This is why they often seem to be susceptible and to bend to the many requests being made today, regardless of whether they are negative or enriching. This can be a handicap to their future independence. The numerous states of depression among many young people is one of the symptoms. Post-adolescents themselves complain of a lack of inner and social support, especially those who have completed their lengthy studies and have arrived with their diplomas into firms where they have to hold responsibilities.
There are year-olds with a succession of periods of existential depression because they lack role models in adult life with which to try to shape their lives in harmony with reality. The period of youth has always been characterised by a certain amount of immaturity.
This is not new. There was a time when this could be compensated by society which was placed more in the world of adults and encouraged youth to grow up and join the realities of life. Today, on the contrary, not only does it give less support and let each one find their own way, but it also lets one think that it is possible to remain permanently in the early stages of life without having to work them out and to have certain experiences too early.
We should know how to tell an adolescent who is adopting certain types of behaviour prematurely that these acts are not suitable for their age group and thus place them within the historic perspective of evolution and growth in maturity. This is how they acquire the maturity suited to their age. Except for some exceptions, most adolescents  pass through puberty and adolescence itself fairly well without undergoing real difficulties.
On the other hand, the situation for post-adolescents from 22 to 30 years of age is often more delicate, being subjectively conflictive and wrought by psychological confusion that was seen and confronted during the preceding period of adolescence years of age.
Inner conflict is added to this tension between self-image and life. However, under the pressure of questions not answered and of failures, they can feel challenged, and they suddenly realise that they are weakened because they are no longer sure that they are capable of being coherent with their past.
They try to be themselves and become very sensitive to the part of themselves that is not genuine. Post-adolescence psychological development depends mainly on the link between the psychological life and the environment. The latter can provoke and reactivate anxieties and inhibitions sometimes connected to a feeling of powerlessness that is translated into fear of not being able to grasp reality and, because of this, to show aggression towards themselves or towards the parent figures out in the adult world.
This can also give rise to an anti-institution or anti-social attitude and can also present the problem of the ability to gauge oneself to esteem or undervalue oneselfand of the need to be recognised by one's parents, particularly by one's father. They dread being confronted with reality. When they come up against the limits of real life, there is a risk they will feel they have failed and will fritter away the time with depressing ideas without being able to identify objects of interest or love.
One of these limits is time. Catechesis can help them to learn to love life in the image of Christ who became incarnate in this world to reveal to us that we have been called by God to life and to love. However, this can also be a difficulty between the ages of 24 and Sometimes, instead of linking their present existence with the past and future, some of them live in the here and now that endures.
They go from instant to instant, episode to episode, from situations and choices decided at the last minute until the moment when they wonder if there is a connection between all these experiences, that is unless they split up their lives in such a way that it will be difficult to see any correlation.
Temporal immaturity does not always allow one to project into the future. The future can cause post-adolescents to be anxious, not because of social and economic uncertainty, but because psychologically, they do not know how to anticipate and evaluate projects and the consequences of their actions and gestures because they live only in the present.
What Does the Bible Say about Marriage?
When certain post-adolescents have not yet reached temporal maturity, they have difficulty developing a historic mind. They live more easily at the contingency level and with the intensity of specific situations than in constancy and continuity of a life that develops over time. Ordinary time is seen as a period of waiting for special experiences instead of being the space given to them in which they are to engage their lives.
Learning the meaning of engagement is begun by developing solidarity and projects within the Christian community in the service of others. This apprenticeship in engagement as a way of entering into history can be stimulated by a discovery and a reflection of the story of salvation in Jesus Christ. They can feel uneasy about having different sensations that they cannot identify within themselves or, on the contrary, they search for them outside human relations and activities.
More and more, we come into contact with impulsive personalities, always in action, and in most cases not realising that action needs to be accompanied by reflection. As they do not have the inner and cultural resources and their minds do not work realistically, these young people often complain of a lack of concentration and of finding it hard to do intellectual work over a long period.
They betray inner poverty and poor intra-psychic exchange. They need to train their will as it risks becoming fickle and fragile. They are dispirited when confronted with questions or problems that have to be dealt with, like the use of drugs with which they try to find stimulation, control or high-performance. They prefer to find refuge in action, and they repeatedly take the "passage to action", not in order to find some kind of pleasure, but to discharge their inner tension and come back to zero.
In this way they no longer feel their inner tensions. It is a way of emptying themselves of all that goes on within, and also of the inner functioning itself. Post-adolescents can often be seen to lack reliable valid objects of identification in order to develop mental materials with which to build their inner selves. Here we come up against the problem of transmission in the contemporary world: The lack of interior life brings about anxiety-provoking psychologies that are quicker at responding through primitive impulse than at engaging in working it out in their minds .
The large majority of them, if they search for anchors in their existence to nourish their inner selves, do so more from what they perceive subjectively than from the great religious and moral traditions from which they remain quite distant. They think in a narcissistic way where each one must be self-sufficient and draw everything to oneself, which responds to the current fashion of the "psychological whole". This is the dominant idea nowadays and it leads us to believe that we can "make" ourselves by being inspired by our emotions and sensations rather than principles of reason, intelligible words like those of the Christian faith and life values.
The least existential difficulty is coded in psychopathological terms and has to be helped out by psychotherapy. It is an error of perspective that filters into psycho-spiritual help or healing rituals. It is perverse, to say the least, to try to handle the two areas, psychology and religion from the point of view of psychotherapy.
The concept of "resilience" is also a new illusion of narcissistic personalities. Besides, it is a confused notion that tends to explain the fact that certain individuals get by better than others, while Christianity has long shown that the individual is not confined by determinism.
In a world in critical need of moral and religious values, "resilience" will soon be old-fashioned. In order to bounce back, you need a certain inner strength that cannot be built and sustained without help from outside. A person cannot establish an inner life without interaction with an objective dimension. It cannot be done alone face to face with oneself. Likewise, catechesis as religious education is in danger of being filled with the prevailing subjectivism, especially when it is claimed that there is no "objective revelation" of the word of God but that it can only be revealed through faith lived subjectively.
In this context, Jesus is no more than a "prophet" or "sage" among others and thus removed from his role as mediator as the Son of God between his Father and humankind. Young people who are subjected to this immanent and subjective vision of God that is like a pagan divinity, may become involved in various school and university chaplaincies in interreligious dialogue confused with ecumenism without having a clear idea of their own Christian faith.
They confuse all the ideas from the various confessions as if it were the same representation of God. As they have not absorbed their faith in the God of the Trinity, the All-Other, they invent a religious discourse based on the mechanics of fusion and call for tolerance, removal of dividing lines, egalitarianism so there will be no distinctions and a sensory means of expression. However, according to the religious confessions, all ideas on representations of God do not give the same meaning of man, life in society and faith.
Most western societies have stopped transmitting to the point of putting into doubt the foundations on which they were developed.
Marriage Definition and Meaning - Bible Dictionary
The Christian dimension is often excluded even though it is part of the social bonds and the constitution of people's interior life. The crisis of contemporary interior life begins with this lack of initiation and gets bogged down in individualism and psychological subjectivism.
The ideological psychologising of society causes it to be de-structured. Individuals spend their time describing and analysing themselves to the point of exhaustion.
This kind of subjective thinking can be necessary in some cases, but it is not exclusive. They should also be able to build their existence by including another dimension besides themselves that will give light and energy to each individual: One should be able to see one's life with all these realities and not enclose oneself in the only psychological approaches in fashion nowadays.
Catechesis, education in the meaning of prayer and liturgical and sacramental life have a role to play in helping young people to take control of their interior life, their mental space and their bodily space. Christian rites, symbols and signs can play a part in this work of inner construction and that is why they are accepted by young people to the surprise of their elders.
The inner life thus relates to external realities and presence. The Word of God, transmitted by the Church, plays this role by relating youth to God who can be found through instances of human mediation, initiated by Christ, and that become signs of his presence.
With the assurance of prayer, guided and led by the Church, a privileged relationship develops between God and those whom He calls to know Him. Prayer experience is the crucible of human interior life.
WYDs have seen this many times. An educational effort in this direction should be continued. The expression of emotions has to be immediate, like a telephone call or an internet connection, without having to wait for delays and the building up of relationships.
Casual sexual expression that is fusional and instantaneous has an impact on the images in the media and cinema. Young people can be equally strongly conditioned by the separation and divorce of their parents. They can be deeply affected psychologically and permanently marked by breakdown, lack of trust in the other and, at times, little faith in the future.
Personalities today demand autonomy while at the same time they are incapable of separating themselves from their childhood points of reference. This problem falls on people with whom a relationship can be brought to an end at the first outbreak of a difficulty. Paradoxically, they are also afraid of being rejected and need to be reassured about the image of themselves as seen by others. This attitude is the result of the type of broken family life that is developing in the western world.
Finally, they are relatively influenced by the sexual exhibitionism that is rampant through pornography and the spread of an impulsive and anti-relational kind of sexuality.
The growth in sexual visual media demonstrates that we are in an erotic society that persistently provides sexual excitement for individuals and that influences the unfolding of juvenile sexuality. Many young people access pornographic websites. When they receive this kind of input, some of them become enclosed in an imaginary and violent sexuality where masturbation is an experience of failure due to the lack of a partner, and this can complicate the development of sexual drives.
When masturbation continues to be practised, it is always a symptom of an emotional problem and a lack of sexual maturity. Nevertheless, most young people want to hear about the meaning of human love, of married life and of family. This demonstrates the need to learn to love and to form relationships and bring life.
On the contrary, it has brought about confusion in sexual identities and relational doubts. Here we feel the effects of the ideological influences of feminism that confuse equality of the sexes - a thing that does not exist - with the equality of people.
Some kinds of feminism North-American and Beauvoirian have promoted a hatred of men and a rejection of procreation. This has encouraged a kind of puritanism and new inhibitions by interpreting the slightest glance, word or gesture as an attempt at aggression and open harassment and even rape.
In addition to these aberrations that are increasingly being written into laws in Europe, procreation has been presented as a handicap for women and a dimension that should not enter into the definition of femininity.
Coeducation has been conditioned by this kind of feminism that has not prepared young people to learn to live a couple relationship between a man and a woman. It is a coeducation that alternates between unisexuality sexual confusion and the sidelining of individuals bachelorhood and loneliness.
Most post-adolescents have lived their childhood in a coeducational environment. It was foreseeable  that coeducation, that was never thought out in terms of differential psychology and educational methods, would be the source of new inhibitions between boys and girls and distortions in social ties.
There is an effort now to try to understand the questions it raises and to escape from the moralism that gave rise to it. Coeducation is more suitable at certain ages than at others. Once again experience proves that it is restricting and stunts development of the intelligence, emotions and sexuality during adolescence. It often means going through movements of seduction and sexual aggression or, on the contrary, young people want to withdraw from there and tend towards staying with friends of the same sex.
This change in direction corresponds to the need for assurance and confirmation of their respective identities, while coeducation confines them to the non-separation of the genders. Coeducation can cause relational doubts between men and women at the post-adolescent stage, celibacy and a kind of reactive homosexuality in order to, paradoxically, differentiate themselves from the other sex and to reassure themselves about their sexual identity.
Children and adolescents need to work out their fusional tendencies, but coeducation closes them in and prevents them from attaining a sense of the difference between the sexes and relations between two individuals.
Their emotional-sexual awakening begins with sentimental attachments that usually do not continue for long or that continue in fraternal relationships without sexual expression. Then at post-adolescence when they can engage in emotional-sexual relations, the opposite happens. After having sentimental attachments that led nowhere but that came apart in an oedipal way, during post-adolescence they try to socialise their emotional lives and to keep a distance from the other sex.
This is to make up for what they did not experience and accomplish during their adolescence. There are young adults, and also even younger, who are in the process of discovering the necessary separation of the sexes.
For example, women who have a need to be with other women to converse, to go out or to share activities "with the girls" independently of their companion. Men do the same by going to specifically male places and activities. We find this phenomenon happening in the new situation of co-tenants where young professionals of between 25 and 35 years of age share rented apartments, boys together or girls together, but rarely mixed.
It is important that both men and women establish their identities. Education should take care of this from childhood. Present day portrayals do not simplify the task for young people when break-down and divorce are presented as the norm when dealing with emotional and relational problems of couples. In France, the law on divorce by mutual consent of has only amplified and normalised divorce which now remains as a plague on society.
A society that loses the meaning of commitment and conflict solving and of stages of development is a society that has no sense of future and continuity. Divorce has become one of the causes of emotional insecurity of individuals that has repercussions on social ties and on the vision of a sense of commitment in all the domains of life that are transmitted to the young.
By wanting to simplify divorce, the public authorities play with the symptoms but do not see the causes that need attention and even less the consequences of these laws that threaten social ties. Fear of emotional commitment controls the juvenile psychological make-up. They are doubtful, uncertain and sceptical about the meaning of lasting relationships.
Young people feel they will be free if they do not commit themselves, but they are actually repudiating freedom. It is in commitment that one finds freedom and can act with freedom. Single people who are used to living alone and planning their own lives sometimes have difficulty sharing living space with others for a prolonged period. They feel anxious and sense a lack of freedom. They alternate times in their lives of being together with others with periods when they are more alone.
They still think, at 35 years of age, that they are not ready for commitment and should wait a little longer. However, the more time passes, the less their minds will be prepared to share life with a person whom they otherwise think they love. Yet surveys show that most young people want to marry and start a family. They do not yet know how to build up a relationship. They want it to be established immediately and all questions concerning the present and future be settled.
They certainly need to learn to experience fidelity in daily life, a value supported by young people but not favoured in contemporary media. Fear of marriage and fear of conceiving children are the topics of social discourse. This hardly encourages self-confidence, and even less in a life that, according to this trend, should be limited to oneself and go no further. In fact, society and laws do not favour continuity and commitment.
On the contrary, they foster emotional uncertainty and fragile social ties and give no special support to marriage. Yet many young people need to be able to carry on in spite of a short and broken up concept of time. We are in a society that sows doubt at the idea of commitment in the name of love. Young people long for it and should be helped to find ways for this kind of fidelity. Psychological bisexuality is the ability to relate with the opposite sex and to be consistent with one's sexual identity in one's emotional life and not only in one's social life.
As we said above, post-adolescence is a time when one's psychological life begins to integrate with exterior reality. Modern society tends to confuse the only two sexual identities that exist, male and female, with sexual tendencies that are multiple, and sexual practices that are unconnected with drives. We should not confuse identity with sexual orientations, especially when they are in contradiction with sexual identity.
In this context it is not easy to be at one with oneself and to be sexually consistent especially when homosexuality is valued and presented as an alternative to heterosexuality.
The working out of psychological bisexuality could be compromising. As relations between men and women become complicated to the point of encouraging each one to remain single, the social model of homosexuality becomes commonplace. Many adolescents and post-adolescents are too nervous and unsure of themselves to deal with psychological bisexuality. Young people sometimes encode their passing ambivalence, common during adolescence, in cliched terms of homosexuality.
They think they are homosexual although they do not want or desire it, and they sometimes take the "passage to action" that shakes them psychologically. Of course, all individuals have gone through an experience of homosexual identification in order to confront their sexual identity, beginning with the parent of the same sex. Before we look at these qualities, I have two observations.
First, every Christian should have these character qualities, but there is freedom for different personality types. These qualities will take one form with a Barnabas, another with a Paul, and another with a Peter. Second, all these character qualities are modeled in Jesus Christ.
He was compassionate and kind Matt. He is our great example of how to relate to others. We should treat others with compassion. The main thing to grasp is that this is an emotional term. Being moved to compassion involves the feelings, not just the head. It means being touched by the needs of people so that we respond with appropriate action to help them. Jesus used this word to describe the good Samaritan, who felt compassion for the wounded traveler and was moved to help him Luke He used it of the father of the prodigal son, who saw his wayward son returning, felt compassion for him, ran to him, embraced him and kissed him Luke He was stirred emotionally when he saw his son coming home.Word Study: Agape - "Love"
Jesus felt compassion for the widow of Nain who had lost her only son Luke 7: When Jesus saw the multitudes, He felt compassion for them Matt.
On another occasion, Jesus and His disciples withdrew to a lonely place for some much needed rest. When they arrived by boat, they discovered that the crowd had arrived by land before them. Jesus saw them, felt compassion for them and healed their sick.
The disciples saw them and said as I would have said! Jesus saw the multitude and felt compassion because He saw that they were like sheep without a shepherd Mark 8: It all depends on your focus. We should treat others with kindness. To be kind means to be free from all which is harsh, rough, and bitter. This word was used to describe wine that had mellowed Luke 5: A kind person is not demanding and pushy.
He gives others room to be imperfect without crawling all over them. Joseph is a great example of kindness.
His brothers had hated him and sold him into slavery. He easily could have taken vengeance on his brothers, but instead, he forgave them and was generous with them. After their father, Jacob, died, the brothers became afraid because they thought that perhaps Joseph would now pay them back for what they had done to him.
But when Joseph heard it, he wept and spoke kindly to his brothers, assuring them of his continuing love and care for them and their children Gen. Jesus said that God Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men Luke 6: Paul said that the kindness of God leads us to repentance Rom. We should treat others with humility. But I find that neither helpful nor correct. But then what does it mean? Biblically, there are three sides to it: First, a humble person is Christ-sufficient, not self-sufficient.
A humble person consciously relies on the Lord and recognizes that God has given him all that he has 1 Pet. Second, a humble person has a proper evaluation of himself. Third, a humble person esteems others more highly than himself. As Paul said Phil. He esteemed us more highly than himself. We should treat others with gentleness. It does not mean to be a mild-mannered, compliant milquetoast. Plato used the word of a gentle doctor who used only enough force as in setting a broken bone to bring healing.
So the gentle person will sometimes be strong to confront sin, but only strong enough to bring healing Gal. We should treat others with patience. Kindness, gentleness, and patience are listed in the fruit of the Spirit Gal.
It means being tolerant of imperfections, differences and faults in others. The patient person gives others time to change and room to make mistakes in the process.
We should treat others with forbearance. We must never be forbearing when it comes to biblical moral absolutes. We should treat others with forgiveness. Rather than holding a grudge or harboring bitterness and resentment, we must forgive those who wrong us.
Did you notice that many of these qualities are needed only when you have a complaint against someone? He never hauls out our past as leverage against us. His forgiveness means total acceptance and restored fellowship with us.