Talk in the intimate relationship his and hers summary

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talk in the intimate relationship his and hers summary

Nov 25, Deborah tannen talk in the intimate relationship his and hers essay jonathan porritt two child policy essay 3 mistakes in my life summary. Talk in the Intimate Relationships - Free download as PDF File .pdf), Text File . txt) or Introduction Brief summary of the article Answering the question related to the text Conclusion “Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers. Feb 25, CROSS-CULTURAL COMMUNICATIONS WTUC Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers.

Men and Women in Conversation. This article was written for The Washington Post at the time of her book's publication and is a summary of her main ideas as well as an advertisement for her book.

How Well does the Author Appeal to the Audience? Generally, a linguist doesn't speak to a mass audience, and so Tannen's attempt to apply the discourse of linguistic studies to everyday life is a bit audacious, but her use of everyday examples, such as the talkative man at a dinner party who is silent at home, and the woman who feels her boyfriend is ignoring her when he lies down when she is speaking makes her work accessible to her intended audience, a typical married couple.

Moreover, Tannen for the most part avoids academic terms although she can't help but make a jab at psychologists and their "mechanical engineering" which she suggests tend to evolve into a blame game and presents her arguments in common language that her audience can understand, even ending with a pithy re-writing of an old favorite: While this article doesn't fully explain how a couple can actually achieve that effective cross-cultural communication, Tannen does give a few specific tips such as not assuming that your spouse isn't listening just because they don't give you the non-verbal cues you expect.

Primarily, this article makes the reader consider re-thinking their attitudes and actions towards communicating with the opposite sex, and, moreover, makes the reader interested in reading more about Tannen's ideas, which is, of course, one of her purposes in writing the article.

Tannen argues communicating effectively is key for a long marriage. Source Response My Personal Reaction After reading this article, I began to think about my own communication with my husband in the previous week. As a matter of fact, we had experienced a miscommunication which was exactly the type Tannen describes.

Thinking the matter through from the lens of the differences in communication styles that this article presents actually helped me to clarify why my husband had been upset, and why my response had not satisfied it. Men learn hierarchical socialization and conversation Source How Article Will Help My Research Paper This article will be useful in my paper exploring the question, "How can a couple have a marriage that lasts a lifetime?

Your Response What do you think about the ideas in Deborah Tannen's article?

Deborah tannen talk in the intimate relationship his and hers essay

Do you think that men and women really do communicate differently? Do you have any personal experiences you'd like to share? I'd love for you to add your response in the comments below. Many women, after a long-term relationship with someone, feel that the parson with whom she had the relation should by now understand her situation and know what she actually wants without being told to them.

talk in the intimate relationship his and hers summary

Where as a men feel that after a long-term relation the other person should be able to feel free and be open enough to share and tell what they want without being bothered to be asked time and again. It is true that a person who has been with a partner for so long should be able to judge and know the likes and dislikes of the other person.

Deborah tannen talk in the intimate relationship his and hers essay

If one cannot do that than what kind of relation is that? However, it is also true that after a long-term relation they should be open to one another and express whatever is in the mind. We are humans and not god that we can understand what others think and want. If you want to convey some messages, the best way is go speak it and convey it verbally. The women were thinking of the metamessage: Serving a special cake frames an occasion as a celebration.

Why are women more attuned to metamessages? Because they are more focused on involvement, that is, on relationships among people, and it is through metamessages that relationships among people are established and maintained. If you want to take the temperature and check the vital signs of a relationship, the barometers to check are its metamessages: Everyone can see these signals, but whether or not we pay attention to them is another matter — a matter of being sensitized.

The birds are there — and the signals women pick up are there — but they may not mean what the interpreter thinks they mean. Since he was only thinking about lunch, her expression of concern makes him feel under scrutiny. The difference in focus on messages and metamessages can give men and women different points of view on almost any comment.

Why do you have to be invited? A lot of trouble is caused between women and men by, of all things, pronouns.

If he talks differently to her, it must be that he feels differently. Jake criticizes Louise for not responding when their daughter, Edie, has called her. Is that another thing you know?

talk in the intimate relationship his and hers summary

As the play goes on, Jake and Louise replay and intensify these patterns: Why is it that whenever I bring up any difference between us you ask me if I want a divorce? The more he denies any meaning beyond the message, the more she blows it up, the more adamantly he denies it, and so on: And I wanted to avoid it. What pushes Jake and Louise beyond anger to rage is their different perspectives on metamessages.

His refusal to admit that his statements have implications and overtones denies her authority over her own feelings.

talk in the intimate relationship his and hers summary

The same thing happens when Louise tells Jake that he is being manipulated by Edie: Why do you always go to her? You want me to play power games with a nine year old?

talk in the intimate relationship his and hers summary

Someone around here has to show interest in her. You love her more than I do. You have never learned how to listen. Again, Louise responds to his implication — this time, that he loves Edie more because he runs when she calls. And yet again, Jake cries literal meaning, denying he meant any more than he said. You talk about what I do to Edie, what do you think you do to me? This is not the time to go into what we do to each other. Since she will talk only about metamessages, and he will talk only about the message, neither can get satisfaction from their talk, and they end up where they started — only angrier: Then get a divorce.

American conventional wisdom and many of our parents and English teachers tell us that meaning is conveyed by words, so men who tend to be literal about words are supported by conventional wisdom. They may not simply deny but actually miss the cues that are sent by how words are spoken. If they sense something about it, they may nonetheless discount what they sense. But sometimes it is a sincere conviction.

Summary Analysis Response to Men and Women in Conversation

Women are also likely to doubt the reality of what they sense. Since couples are parties to the same conversations, why are women more dissatisfied with them than men?

  • Examples List on new topic talk in the intimate relationship his and hers

Because what they expect is different, as well as what they see as the significance of talk itself. The image of a silent father is common and is often the model for the lover or husband.

But what attracts us can become flypaper to which we are unhappily stuck.

talk in the intimate relationship his and hers summary

Many women find the strong silent type to be a lure as a lover but a lug as a husband. In addition to these images of male and female behavior — both the result and the cause of them — are differences in how women and men view the role of talk in relationships as well as how talk accomplishes its purpose. These differences have their roots in the settings in which men and women learn to have conversations: They learn to talk like their peers.

Little girls and little boys learn how to have conversations as they learn how to pronounce words: Between the ages of five and fifteen, when children are learning to have conversations, they play mostly with friends of their own sex.

Anthropologists Daniel Maltz and Ruth Borker point out that boys and girls socialize differently. Little girls tend to play in small groups, or even more common, in pairs.