Meet the Parents quotes Movie Quotes Database
Meet the Parents quotes. 43 total quotes (ID: ) Jack: Meet his parents. Dina: Jack-- . Kevin: You gotta strike while the iron's hot. Now's the time. Oct 6, Meet the Parents—the first film in a comedy trilogy that made more than $1 of feedback you could imagine, and in this case, it was 'not sexy enough. "At that point, there was no lie detector scene in the script," Roach told. Meet The Parents Script taken from a transcript of the screenplay and/or the Ben Stiller movie. All right, the sun is out, the grill is hot and the pool is luke. If I can .
Okay, I'm not in junior high anymore, so-- No, no, no. I want to try to respect his rules, okay? Uh, why don't you go ahead and get some sleep, and I'll see you in the morning. Pam told me she let you in on a little secret of mine last night. Well, as long as you can keep your mouth shut for the rest of your life, you're in no immediate danger.
I'm just being humorous. But the fact is, Greg, with the knowledge you've been given, you are now on the inside of what I like to call Let's go inside and have breakfast. Not at the table, honey, please. You must be Greg. Nice 'do, nice 'do. I'll do the intros. Greg, this is my sister, Debbie. Nice to meet you. Oh, the bride to be.
You can call me Bob Whoa, now, cut that out. You know, Greg's in medicine, too, Larry. Hey, why don't I get you a chair, Greg? So, you didn't want to go for the M. No, I actually thought about becoming a doctor, but I decided it wasn't for me. Oh, he did more than okay. Why did you take the test if you weren't planning on going to med school? Well, I wanted to keep my options open, but in the end, nursing was a better fit for me.
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It gives you the freedom to work in several different areas of medicine. Wasn't your friend Andy supposed to be here by now? I thought Deb told you. Andy threw out his back. He can't make the wedding. Now I have to reconfigure the whole procession. Um, Bob, why doesn't Greg stand in for Andy, be the usher? Bob, Greg'll be your second usher. Yeah, yeah, okay, sure. Let's all finish up and get ready to go In that case, I'd better get upstairs Dina, thank you so much for breakfast. Why didn't you wake me up?
Don't worry about it. Tell that to Dr.
Torquemada in there with the Grand Inquisition. Go take a shower, get dressed and come back down. No, I don't-- Come on. I just-- No, I don't feel comfortable wearing your dad's underwear.
Okay, well, go wake up Denny and borrow some of his. You want me to go wake up your brother who I never met Top of the stairs, turn right. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What the hell you doing in here? I'm-- I'm Greg, Pam's friend. Were you just sniffing my boxers, dude?
No, no, she said I could come up here, maybe borrow some clothes from you. Do me a favor. Yeah, so, it's all good. Dad keeps you guys under a pretty close watch, huh? No, it's not that bad. Your little Pamcake's got it a lot worse than I do. You need some clothes. Yes, that would be-- that would be great. Glad to hook you up. Like what you done with the crib. Yeah, I think these ought a do it. All right, here you go, chief. Thanks a lot, Denny.
Oh, and don't worry about the little covert op, all right? I'll keep it on the lowdown. Larry, Linda, Debbie, Bob, honey. Now, I'm gonna activate the alarm. It'll go off in T minus seconds. I don't think I need a jacket. It's cold out, honey. Here, take Denny's jacket. Hey, Denny, I'm lending Greg your jacket, okay? Denny, how's the tux fit?
Dad, uh-- What's that? I-It's a sculpture I found in Greg's jacket. This isn't a sculpture, Denny. This is a device for smoking marijuana. I like the top hat. Can I talk to you for a minute? Did I not clearly explain the circle of trust to you, Greg? Mm, yeah, I think I got it. Then is there something you wanna tell me? Mm, l-l don't think so. Didn't we have a discussion yesterday in the car about this? You mean me and Pam. Yes, I would love to talk to you about that.
We're not talking about Pam. We're talking about you. See, if I can't trust you, Greg, then I have no choice And once you're out, you're out. There's no coming back. Mm, well, I would definitely like to stay inside the circle. Well, then, tell me the truth. Jack, I don't know what we're talking about.
All right, now look, Focker, I'm a patient man. That's what months in a Vietnamese prison camp will do to you. But I will be watching you, studying your every move.
And if I find that you are trying to corrupt my firstborn child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown. I thought we were going to Kevin's house. This is Kevin's new house. Oh, this is a crazy house. Not bad, huh, Dad? Maybe he uses marijuana for medicinal purposes.
People do that nowadays. Honey, this kid has been lying to us from the moment we met him. Get in some quality time with the boys? Uh-huh, yeah, it was fun. Listen, I hope this lunch isn't too weird for you. Q at Best Man's" be weird? I was sure I told you. Kevin is Bob's best man. This is his place. How does he know Bob? I was really lucky I was able to salvage this wood Kevin, the house is amazing.
This is where Maybe you should have gotten married here. All right, the sun is out, the grill is hot and the pool is luke. If I can interest you in a swim and a little B. Q, just follow me. It must cost a fortune to heat this place. I don't know why I thought you knew. It-- It's not a big deal. If I can handle a weekend without sex and cigarettes, I think I can handle an afternoon with your ex-fianc?
Now, for the floor that you're walking on, I chose this Bolivian wormwood.
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I think it works well in here. I have the Viking range here and the twin Sub-Z's. Yeah, they open up right there. Oh, I get it. Yeah, kind of blend in. Are you a homeowner, Greg? No, no, I rent. So, things are going real, real well for you, aren't they, eh, Kevo? Gosh, things have been going so great lately.
Meet the Parents quotes
I got in early on some wireless I. What line of work are you in? There are a lot of Benjamins to be made now with biotech stuff. I don't have to tell you that. You gotta strike while the iron's hot. That's great to give something back like that. I'd love to find time to do volunteer work. Just the other day I saw this golden retriever that-- He had like a gimp, and he couldn't really-- It made me feel terrible. I wish there was something I could do. Yeah, well, I get paid, but also it feels, you know, good too.
So it's kind of an everybody wins. What are you-- You're like a Wall Street trader? I mean, I'm willing to be painted with that brush.
Yes, that's my day job. We got time, don't we, Jack? I want to show you what I'm really interested in. It looks like somebody got an "A" in wood shop. I whittled that out of beech wood. So what got you into, uh, "carpentering"? He was a carpenter, and I just figured if you're gonna follow in someone's footsteps, who better than Christ? You're in good company. Well, I'm gonna head to the pool, but why don't you show Greg and Pam the gift? I put a fresh coat of lacquer on this this morning, so bear with me with the fumes.
The little holes are for candles. And then later, they'll collect rainfall. Or you might call it a "ho-puh. I'm gonna take it over to the Byrneses', and tomorrow Robert and Debra will meet beneath it to become man and wife. And later, when they purchase a home, maybe it will grace their garden. Well, that's my sappy, romantic idea. No, not too bad. Which isn't bad, considering I carved it all by hand from one piece of wood. Time to start the barbecue, big guy. I better get back to playing host.
Okay, you guys, grab your suits, and I'll meet you down at the pool. I don't even have a suit with me. The airline lost my bag and-- [Jack] Pamcake, let's go. Mom's got your suit here. You better get going. And, by the way, she just had the nicest things to say about you. Yeah, we had some good times together. Boy, she is a tomcat. So, let me hook you up with some trunks, Gregger. I'm not gonna swim. I'm not taking no for an answer. What's it gonna be? Ah-- How 'bout a little of both, K-Dog?
I think they call that "the munchies. Hit the ball, Kev! Show 'em what you got! You gotta rush the net on defense. Don't be afraid of the ball. Greg is afraid of the ball. We're gettin' cold in here. If Florence Nightingale over here would play defense. Larry, keep floatin' where you are. Denny, take the deep shots. Greg, nobody's expecting much out of you.
I'd have to be pretty high, but yeah. I bet you would, Panama Red. You gotta spike those, Focker! You gotta spike those! Fire it up there, Focker! It's only a game, Focker! Deb, you can totally see Voit backwards on your forehead. Go over the song selection with Bob. Are you a Mr. You go through it, make sure it's all there?
I just wanna make sure you're okay since hitting the spike heard 'round the world. I'm really sorry about that. I don't know what got into me, Iceman. Is that a special thing Stop it. Top Gun was a very popular movie when Kevin and I dated. Do you want to be Maverick? Is that what this is all about? I can't be Maverick.
He used to be, but we can change that. Um, can he be Goose? No, because Goose dies in the end. Honey, I don't really-- Greg, shut up. Jesus, Dad, you ever think of knocking? Not in my own den. What are you two doing in here? I'd say rounding - This is Greg's room, Dad. We're gonna use it for storage. Greg will stay in Debbie's room, and she'll bunk up with you tonight. I'll be right up. They found your suitcase.
Hey, Jack, I don't quite know what happened back at the tux shop, but if I've given you the wrong impression regarding Pam in any way, I'm sorry.
I have nothing but the best intentions with Pam, and I-I just-- Actually, there's something in the suitcase here that I'm planning on giving her Did you flush this toilet? Maybe Jinx flushed it. I saw little Jinxy come in last night, and he took a little squat and relieved himself.
Jinx knows not to use that toilet, and even if he did, he'd never flush it. You're really on a roll there, bud. In hours, I'm having a wedding here, so I need my cesspool pumped now! That smell, Bob, is our shit. Focker flushed the toilet in the den, so the septic tank is overflowing. Jack, I told you. Focker, I'm not gonna tell you again!
Jinx cannot flush the toilet. He's a cat, for chris sakes! The animal doesn't even have thumbs, Focker. Over by the tree, right? Not on the lawn! Stay where you are. I got my mojo workin' Just won't work on you I got my mojo workin' Just won't work on you Oh-- I know that's what I said I wanted, 'cause that's what I wanted.
It is a black Samsonite suitcase. What I'm saying is, do you think it's possible that the Samsonite people, in some crazy little scheme to actually turn a profit, made more than one? I am going to need your baggage claim number again.
Could I talk to your supervisor? When he gets back, have him give me a call right away. It's a very important bag. I'm sure it is, sir. Don't ask me what it's for. I need you to do this thing. Please, I'm in a time situation here, so just do it. So the name's "Greg Focker"? Greg didn't ace his med school boards. He never even took the goddamn MCATs. Oh, Jack, that's what you had your sources check out?
What this poor boy did on some test scores? I bet he doesn't even have a real nursing degree. A lot of these hospital workers are just pill poppers looking for easy access to ludes. We already know that he's been puffin' the magic dragon. I knew the little crack was lying. Come here, little Jinxy. He did not lie to me, Dad. He lied to you when I thought you should know the truth. I love you too much to see you get hurt. I don't care what your information says, Dad.
Greg took the MCATs. All right, stand back. Somebody call right away! We checked every yard, every car on the street. He's not up in any of the trees, Jack. We checked all the bedrooms. Jinx isn't up here. Yeah, none of the neighbors have seen him either. You tried to milk him, didn't you, you sick son of a bitch! Honey, please calm down.
How can I calm down What do you mean, "the ring bearer"? Your daddy didn't tell you? He taught Jinx to walk down the aisle with this little pillow. No, you didn't, Dad. You put this around the neck, and these ribbons are for the rings. Oh, for Chris sakes! Yeah, but now we have to postpone the rehearsal. Bob, you ride with me. Larry, you come with your car. We're gonna canvass the neighborhood. Dee, ask O'Boyle to wait. If we're not back in an hour, we'll reschedule the rehearsal for the morning.
We cannot cancel the rehearsal for some stupid cat! How could you say that? That cat's been like a brother to you! We're supposed to let him wander the streets without food, water or toilet?
You're gonna fill in as the ring bearer for now. I'm not wearin' that stupid pillow thing on my head. You just go and wander the streets without food, water or toilet?
They brought in a Himalayan a little while ago. Uh, no, let me see that photo again. You gotta picture him without that stupid Santa cap. You see, in the picture, your cat has an all-black tail.
And this one has a white tip. No, I'm sorry about that, chief. Looks just like him. Except for that tail. Robert Banks-- Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on this beautiful day Robert Banks and Debra Byrnes in holy matrimony. This is a special day-- He found him! Look, Dad, it's Jinx. Oh, my little baby! Greg, thank you so much. This is so great. Gave us a little scare, huh? Oh For once in my life I got someone who needs me To Greg. He's in the restroom.
Yes, I tried there. I've tried every shelter on the north shore, okay? He's a brown-and-black Himalayan with an all-black tail. I'll call you back. Had to pay a little visit to the urinal fairy. I'm just glad I could help out. We never did get to finish that little "convo" back at the den. So, when you have a minute, there is still something I'd like to talk to you about.
We'll get right to it as soon as we get back. You have my word. I'm gonna hold you to that. Guess who's back in the circle of trust. Maybe I should ask him to dance. What do you think? I bet he could, uh, whittle a private little dance floor for the two of you. I saw some beech wood outside. I shouldn't paint him with that brush, but-- Come on. Part of you wishes you ended up with him. Yes, he's very talented, but it would've never worked out.
I was never in love with Kevin. I'm in love with you. Producer Nancy Tenenbaum acquired the rights to the short film. He brought it to the attention of Universal Studios who initially declined but subsequently optioned the rights to the film in I think the film is fantastic, and I can't imagine a screenwriter being any happier with a film unless he directs it himself. Which, in this case, would've been a disaster since Jay is a brilliant director He initially presented it to Roach who had, up to that point, directed the first two Austin Powers films.
Roach admits to have liked the script from the beginning  and was very much willing to make the film even though he thought "it needed more work. The studio was skeptical of Roach's ability to direct a "less-cartoony, character-driven script" compared to a comedy like Austin Powers. The drafts of the script were written by Herzfeld and, once De Niro and Stiller were confirmed as stars, John Hamburg was brought on board "to help fit the script to their verbal styles.
The script was not written with De Niro in mind as Jack Byrnes; the first draft of the script was completed inthree years before De Niro appeared in Analyze This.
Explaining how Ben Stiller came to be cast in the role of Greg, Roach states: The house we grew up in was originally erected So that, plus we had a lot of pets-- Jack: Which one did you milk then? Honey, he said he pumped milk. What have you ever milked? I milked a cat once. You wanna hear a story? My sister had a cat, and the cat birthed a litter of kittens.
Must've been 8 of them, and there was this one little runt I went in and just simply, you know, just-- into a little saucer, then took the saucer and fed it to Geppetto-- that's what I named him. I had-- I had no idea you could milk a cat. Oh, yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.
I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? Are you a homeowner, Greg? No, no, I rent. So, things are going real, real well for you, aren't they, eh, Kevo? Gosh, things have been going so great lately. I got in early on some wireless I. What about you, Greg? What line of work are you in? I'm in health care. Yeah, so you know what I'm talking about. There are a lot of Benjamins to be made now with biotech stuff.
I don't have to tell you that. You gotta strike while the iron's hot. Greg's a male nurse. That's great to give something back like that. I'd love to find time to do volunteer work. Just the other day I saw this golden retriever that-- He had like a gimp, and he couldn't really-- It made me feel terrible. I wish there was something I could do. Yeah, well, I get paid, but also it feels, you know, good too.
So it's kind of an everybody wins. What are you-- You're like a Wall Street trader? I mean, I'm willing to be painted with that brush. Yes, that's my day job. Okay, G-Man, we've got swordfish and we've got salmon, what'll it be?