can lead to unnecessary work up, residual sequelae, and signif- increased by >50%. Of the 35 mothers who screened positive for PPD. MORE ABOUT THE MOVIE. Meet My Mom Cast. Meet My Mom Cast. Photos. About · Hallmark Channel · Hallmark Movies & Mysteries · About Us · Jobs. There is another side to the abortion debate that pro-choice advocates would love to .. I was rebellious, I wanted my parents to see what I had become. I want very much to meet my niece or nephew in heaven and apologize that I helped . I'm putting my Christmas tree up this week and will be going to Hallmark for a.
I was not followed up on. I was not observed when I was bleeding. I was manipulated and deceived. They never told me about the depression, anger, anxiety, fears, and self-hatred that I would experience after the abortion. I staggered into the bathroom. And there, with my husband beside me, I delivered a part of my baby the doctor had missed.
It was the head of my baby. I simply miss my baby. I constantly wake up wanting to nurse my child, wanting to hold my child. Evidently the only men these people want censored are those who think women deserve better than abortion. In more recent years, researchers have begun to fill this gap and study the true effect abortion has on men. Which begs the question: If abortion has such a negative effect on men, why have they stayed quiet? Men typically grieve following an abortion in a private way.
Some of the men have chosen to remain anonymous. When Kelly came out, she was groggy and looked to be in a lot of pain, which made me furious about the lies we had been told. As we drove home, neither of us said a thing.
We sat in silence as I contemplated our decision. Sadly, because of my inability to be a man, I put it all aside and we went on with our relationship. Kelly and I eventually got married, but many years after the abortions I realized I was in pain.
Abortion affects the fathers too. No one talks about that. My immediate reaction to her news was it was an inconvenience that must be eliminated. I never stopped to think about what I was doing. I never considered that a real life was inside her that I had helped create. I simply thought the doctor was removing some unwanted tissue… She never wanted to do it.
She wanted to keep the baby. I think of my child that will never be on earth. I hate the self-deception and the falsehood I bought into. I know I overrode in my core being my conscience dulled at the time and my Fatherhood instinct. No two ways about it: I acted — no, I was a coward… I would do anything if God would accept the bargain to reverse that fateful mistake. I made sure of that. Whatever physical, emotional and spiritual agony the woman suffered, I was not by her side to support her.
My feelings of responsibility and guilt are undiminished by the fact that the woman had full legal authority to make the decision on her own, either way, without consulting me or even informing me. In fact, she consulted in an open fashion, reflecting our shared responsibility and I could have made a strong case for having the child. Instead, I urged her along the path of death. I was obsessed with jealousy. I thought that my wife cheated with someone else and that the child was not mine.
I forced her psychologically to abort. Lord, please forgive me. My former girlfriend, the mother of my child, the woman I loved and still love, only told me a number of weeks later that she had been pregnant and that she had had an abortion… I was on a busy street but I put my head up against a building and began to cry, the first time I had cried in public since I was twelve years old.
I mean…why should I? I wanted to have a baby! I was told that she had a miscarriage. My baby was gone! Four years later, the truth was revealed. We tried to make it work, but every time we fought, I would call her names like, Baby Killer or Murderer! I withdrew from life and became depressed. My girlfriend and I had an abortion at age Our child would be years-old. I regret it every day. Strange, I love life so much but was so selfish to kill him. I have no children and now never will have that gift to give again.
The one thing that I thought would become the greatest joy in life has become the greatest pain. It hurts more than words could ever describe. I feel empty — as if a part of me is missing. And I felt helpless — because there was nothing I could do about it — because she went and had the abortion without me, even knowing that I wanted to be there for this child. Oh how I desperately wanted to believe that. I tried to believe the doctor was right, i. The guilt and shame I was feeling told me otherwise.
The loss of self esteem and the birth of self hatred told me otherwise. The realization that what we had done was wrong, that the abortion had not fixed the problem but in fact had created way more left me in a state of trying to rationalize that the abortion was okay for a long time. The fear of facing the truth of what we had done and the shame, guilt, grief and loss that accompanied that potential awareness, kept me silent too.
Then I was faced with an unplanned pregnancy at 25—with a minimum-wage job and girlfriend still in her junior year of college. We made the decision, and in a matter of hours we aborted the baby at a nearby clinic… This abortion is going to be my biggest regret until the day I die. Whether you are right or left-wing, we all know in the back of our minds and in our hearts that taking life away is crude—whether the government says you can do it or not.
I pray to my baby every single day, hoping he or she forgives me and hoping that he or she is in a better place. I was presented with a Coventry-esque decision: I chose the former, though I tried on several occasions to convince her to at least keep twins. I failed… They would inject potassium chloride into the placenta to stop the hearts. We were told, point-blank, that it was painless. Even then, I knew I was being lied to, but given the choice presented, I agreed anyway.
I had to know what would happen to my children. I had to know how they would die. Each retreated, pushing away, as the needle entered the amniotic sac. Each one crumpled as the needle pierced the body. I saw the heart stop in the first, and mine almost did, too. But bitter words would not undo what had happened. She was not there. They said she had a medical emergency. I wondered why she would not call me. I called every hospital in the two county area but could not find her.
That should have been a huge clue to me. I thought about checking out the abortion clinics, but I thought she would never do that to me… A few weeks later she confirmed my worst fear. When at age 17, I learned that my girlfriend was pregnant, we were stunned and things happened very quickly.
I should have been responsible enough to know better, to protect my unborn son in his mother from a horrible, misguided, and irreversible choice.
Today, I would do anything to have that choice back, to have had the courage to say no. Instead, I said nothing. I was afraid, timid, and complicit by my silence. Deep down inside, I knew the truth, this was our baby, but no, I said nothing. I did nothing but accompany her along with her mother to Planned Parenthood to destroy our child. During the procedure, I felt numb and helpless, but for this monumental failure as a father I accept full responsibility… I want to tell all men who have participated in an abortion or had their children aborted against their will, to let your heart out of prison that help and healing is available.
To this day, I still feel regret — tremendous, unrelenting regret. What if I had been man enough to take responsibility? I went up to her and gave her a hug, and she said she needed to talk to me. So we went and sat down, and she told me that she broke up with me because she was pregnant with my baby. I was shocked but happy. Then she said that it would have been a little girl. I looked at her dazed and confused and asked her would have been?
She said yes, it would have been, but she had an abortion. She rubbed my back and said it will be OK and that it was for the best. I looked at her and said there was no way that this was for the best. I told her I would never be able to look at her the same again.
I asked her how she could do this to me. How could she do that to our baby? She looked at me and said that this guy she is now dating told her to. I asked her how she could do that.
How could she let some other guy talk her into killing our baby? She said she was sorry. I told her that was not good enough.
Sorry is not going to bring our baby back. I started crying again and said I will never get to hold my little girl. I will never get to see her beautiful face.
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I will never get to tuck her into bed. It was for the despicable, mere fact that they were going to get in her way. We had both said after the first abortion that this was never an option again, but yet abortion was one of the first words out of her mouth the next time. What do you say when the woman you love more than life itself tells you her life is over due to our pregnancy? Let me tell you, I still do not have a clue… I have not been the same man since.
My life has tragically turned into a continual replay of events that destroyed who I was and whom I used to know.
Immediately afterward, I experienced a great sense of loss, confusion, humiliation, and regret. To top it all, I was not allowed to mention a feeling or thought to my partner. They were so powerful that I completely lost control of myself and I fell into a severe depression.
I attempted to take my life. Two and a half years later, I have still been unable to move forward in my life. I experience daily nightmares, drink heavily, and have not even been able to think of a new relationship. I am desperately looking for forgiveness from God and for healing to this day.
Though I have many excuses for doing what I did… in the end, that is all they are…excuses. This event would become a major negative undercurrent in our marriage for many years, about 15 to be exact.
I can only wish there had been caring people on the sidewalk that day to show us that there was another option. I thank God for sidewalk counselors today. Neither of us planned this pregnancy, or had even talked about the possibility of getting pregnant…The nurse at Boston College told her that she would be better off having an abortion, and told her where she could get one.
I brought her to a crisis pregnancy center in Boston when she was five-weeks pregnant, so that she could explore her options other than having an abortion.
The women at the center set up a date for her to get an ultrasound so she could see her child. It was a very overwhelming and beautiful experience for me, until she looked over at me and said: Worms have heartbeats too. What if I did though? Would my life be any less valuable? Would I be any less of a human being? Of course not… She insisted she was going to get the abortion, was planning to get one that weekend, and broke up with me right before. I want to bury my child. My hands were tied.
But she was adamant about having an abortion and told me to leave. I was informed that my child had been aborted in the afternoon on December 2, I had nightmares of my child being aborted… thoughts of suicide filled my head every waking hour. A life my be the cost of your blindness, and you may be the only one of the two who suffers regret from the abortion.
But I picked it up, and she was crying, as I have never heard a woman cry before. She had an abortion. So I punched him. He killed my baby! The thought of that baby had kept me going, every grueling day of basic training. Then one day she changed her mind and my heart was broken. Why is it that it takes a man and a woman to make a baby but only one of them has a choice? Take it from a guy who would have done anything to hold his baby just one time….
My heart turned stone cold after the second abortion.EXCLUSIVE - Meet my Mom - Johnny on Vince and Dana's Relationship - Hallmark Channel
For the next several years I dealt with the pain through massive alcohol consumption. Truth is … I almost drank myself to death trying to ease the pain. Over 10 years ago I completed an abortion recovery Bible study called Healing a Fathers heart. He was caught but she was left pregnant by the attack. When she told me I was furious. I felt like my time overseas was for nothing.
My wife had a different attitude. She accepted her attack and the child that resulted from it. She expected me to support her decision and carry the child to term.
I was selfish and I just wanted things to be the way they were before I left. I told her that she should abort the child for my sake. Eventually she gave in and got the abortion. When she came home, she glared at me and cried. When she said that I knew I had made a terrible mistake.
I felt like the lowest scum in the world. The man who had raped my wife took her security but I went a step beyond that. Therefore, intimacy with a woman became a conquest for me… by the time I was 21, I had fathered three children. And, in every case, paid doctors to end the life of my unborn children. In fact, I felt that I doing the manly thing to pay for the abortions.
And, thereby, eliminate the right of any life-affirming men to engage with the issue… Men, the abortion industry wants us to do nothing. Do not allow evil to triumph. Perhaps it is because the pro-choice movement has told them that their feelings are irrelevant; or maybe friends and family are often unsure how to discuss it.
However, this group can be deeply affected by the abortion, even if they only found out about it years later. Georgette Forney, co-founder of Silent No More, stated that: Know that hope and healing is available. I drove my daughter figuratively and literally to an abortion. To this day I think with regret of what I did.
My daughter and I drove home in silence that day and we have never mentioned it since, but I saw the mental pain and suffering it caused her… After converting to the Catholic Church, the feeling of horror of what I had done was overwhelming. Through the sacrament of reconciliation, I know that God has forgiven me, but one of his children is missing because of me. I think of that lost grandchild every day. I pray that parents of an unmarried or teenage daughter who becomes pregnant does not make the mistake I will always regret!
There are other choices. I agreed to raise the child as my own and to stay with her for the rest of my life. But my child is dead, not by miscarriage or accident, but by murder.
I always wonder what it would have looked like, how it would have acted. Every day I wonder, and it only makes me more depressed. I gave birth to my baby and my sister aborted. The night before her scheduled abortion, she told me of her plan to abort and asked me to go with her to support her.
I said no and so her best friend drove her… For all these years I have lived with the guilt of not stopping my sister from having her abortion. We both had a loving home to raise our babies in. I still grieve over the loss of my nephew or niece. She was secretly seeing a boy we did not approve of nor like.
I took her to the doctor and found out she was 16 weeks pregnant.
She cried, I cried. My husband was livid when we told him. I had seen my grandchild on the ultrasound, knew it was a girl and still let her have the abortion.
The guilt from this has nearly ruined our lives. I am a Christian and regret letting her do this. I pray every day God will forgive me. I hope God has mercy on my soul. I thought I was being a good friend in standing by her decision, so I offered to take her and pick her up and care for her.
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I do carry guilt from that day, too. Who knows; if I would have persuaded her more, maybe her child would be here today. She was young, unmarried, tearful, and pregnant. She wanted to know what she should do. In my mind, her only option was abortion.
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I never considered offering to help raise her child or helping her through an adoption. I was smug, self-righteous and convinced that I was right… I went with her to the abortion clinic. I never thought of the baby in terms of being a person. I never thought of the baby as my own niece or nephew. If asked, I would proudly say that I was pro-choice. My heart has ached for this child…. As I write this, I hold back my tears.
My throat aches to cry out. I hurt to my very soul. I love this child so very much. God heals old wounds even when they feel new.
I knew where the party was, the dope, the fun, and unfortunately, the abortion. I spoke with the girlfriend some 20 years later about that day. She was scarred and yet had come to peace with it as she had resolved her life by surrendering it to Jesus. She discussed her difficult years and I apologized for my part.
As likely, emotions can appear after abstinence in the form of anxiety and depression. Avoidance Avoidance often coincides with anxiety and the promotion of anxiety symptoms.
Individuals begin to avoid people, places, or situations to alleviate unpleasant emotions, memories, or circumstances. Initially, the avoidance works, but over time, anxiety increases and the perception that the situation is unbearable or dangerous increases as well, leading to a greater need to avoid.
Avoidance can be adaptive, but it is also a behavioral pattern that reinforces perceived danger without testing its validity, and it typically leads to greater problems across major life areas e. For many individuals who have traumatic stress reactions, avoidance is commonplace.
A person may drive 5 miles longer to avoid the road where he or she had an accident. Another individual may avoid crowded places in fear of an assault or to circumvent strong emotional memories about an earlier assault that took place in a crowded area. Avoidance can come in many forms. A key ingredient in trauma recovery is learning to manage triggers, memories, and emotions without avoidance—in essence, becoming desensitized to traumatic memories and associated symptoms.
Social supports and relationships can be protective factors against traumatic stress. However, trauma typically affects relationships significantly, regardless of whether the trauma is interpersonal or is of some other type.
In natural disasters, social and community supports can be abruptly eroded and difficult to rebuild after the initial disaster relief efforts have waned. Survivors may readily rely on family members, friends, or other social supports—or they may avoid support, either because they believe that no one will be understanding or trustworthy or because they perceive their own needs as a burden to others. Survivors who have strong emotional or physical reactions, including outbursts during nightmares, may pull away further in fear of being unable to predict their own reactions or to protect their own safety and that of others.
Often, trauma survivors feel ashamed of their stress reactions, which further hampers their ability to use their support systems and resources adequately.
Many survivors of childhood abuse and interpersonal violence have experienced a significant sense of betrayal. They have often encountered trauma at the hands of trusted caregivers and family members or through significant relationships. This history of betrayal can disrupt forming or relying on supportive relationships in recovery, such as peer supports and counseling. Although this fear of trusting others is protective, it can lead to difficulty in connecting with others and greater vigilance in observing the behaviors of others, including behavioral health service providers.
It is exceptionally difficult to override the feeling that someone is going to hurt you, take advantage of you, or, minimally, disappoint you. Developmental Each age group is vulnerable in unique ways to the stresses of a disaster, with children and the elderly at greatest risk. Young children may display generalized fear, nightmares, heightened arousal and confusion, and physical symptoms, e. School-age children may exhibit symptoms such as aggressive behavior and anger, regression to behavior seen at younger ages, repetitious traumatic play, loss of ability to concentrate, and worse school performance.
Adolescents may display depression and social withdrawal, rebellion, increased risky activities such as sexual acting out, wish for revenge and action-oriented responses to trauma, and sleep and eating disturbances Hamblen, Adults may display sleep problems, increased agitation, hypervigilance, isolation or withdrawal, and increased use of alcohol or drugs.
These chemical responses can then negatively affect critical neural growth during specific sensitive periods of childhood development and can even lead to cell death. Heim, Mletzko et al. The researchers concluded that the association of study scores with these outcomes can serve as a theoretical parallel for the effects of cumulative exposure to stress on the developing brain and for the resulting impairment seen in multiple brain structures and functions.
Materials are available for counselors, educators, parents, and caregivers. Subthreshold Trauma-Related Symptoms Many trauma survivors experience symptoms that, although they do not meet the diagnostic criteria for ASD or PTSD, nonetheless limit their ability to function normally e.
Like PTSD, the symptoms can be misdiagnosed as depression, anxiety, oran other mental illness. Likewise, clients who have experienced trauma may link some of their symptoms to their trauma and diagnose themselves as having PTSD, even though they do not meet all criteria for that disorder. Combat Stress Reaction A phenomenon unique to war, and one that counselors need to understand well, is combat stress reaction CSR.
CSR is an acute anxiety reaction occurring during or shortly after participating in military conflicts and wars as well as other operations within the war zone, known as the theater. It is similar to acute stress reaction, except that the precipitating event or events affect military personnel and civilians exposed to the events in an armed conflict situation. Frank Frank is a year-old man who was severely beaten in a fight outside a bar. He had multiple injuries, including broken bones, a concussion, and a stab wound in his lower abdomen.
He was hospitalized for 3. For several years, when faced with situations in which he perceived himself as helpless and overwhelmed, Frank reacted with violent anger that, to others, appeared grossly out of proportion to the situation. He has not had a drink in almost 3 years, but the bouts of anger persist and occur three to five times a year.
They leave Frank feeling even more isolated from others and alienated from those who love him. He reports that he cannot watch certain television shows that depict violent anger; he has to stop watching when such scenes occur. He sometimes daydreams about getting revenge on the people who assaulted him. Other than these symptoms, Frank has progressed well in his abstinence from alcohol.
He attends a support group regularly, has acquired friends who are also abstinent, and has reconciled with his family of origin. In recounting the traumatic event in counseling, Frank acknowledges that he thought he was going to die as a result of the fight, especially when he realized he had been stabbed. As he described his experience, he began to become very anxious, and the counselor observed the rage beginning to appear.
After his initial evaluation, Frank was referred to an outpatient program that provided trauma-specific interventions to address his subthreshold trauma symptoms.
With a combination of cognitive— behavioral counseling, EMDR, and anger management techniques, he saw a gradual decrease in symptoms when he recalled the assault. He started having more control of his anger when memories of the trauma emerged. Today, when feeling trapped, helpless, or overwhelmed, Frank has resources for coping and does not allow his anger to interfere with his marriage or other relationships.
CSR can vary from manageable and mild to debilitating and severe. Common, less severe symptoms of CSR include tension, hypervigilance, sleep problems, anger, and difficulty concentrating. Common causes of CSR are events such as a direct attack from insurgent small arms fire or a military convoy being hit by an improvised explosive device, but combat stressors encompass a diverse array of traumatizing events, such as seeing grave injuries, watching others die, and making on-the-spot decisions in ambiguous conditions e.
Such circumstances can lead to combat stress. Military personnel also serve in noncombat positions e. Understanding the Nature of Combat Stress Several sources of information are available to help counselors deepen their understanding of combat stress and postdeployment adjustment. Friedman explains how a prolonged combat-ready stance, which is adaptive in a war zone, becomes hypervigilance and overprotectiveness at home.
This complicates the transition to civilian life. The following are just a few of the many resources and reports focused on combat-related psychological and stress issues: Invisible Wounds of War: Beyond that, in both the short term and the long term, trauma comprises a range of reactions from normal e.
Most people who experience trauma have no long-lasting disabling effects; their coping skills and the support of those around them are sufficient to help them overcome their difficulties, and their ability to function on a daily basis over time is unimpaired.
For others, though, the symptoms of trauma are more severe and last longer. The most common diagnoses associated with trauma are PTSD and ASD, but trauma is also associated with the onset of other mental disorders—particularly substance use disorders, mood disorders, various anxiety disorders, and personality disorders.
Trauma also typically exacerbates symptoms of preexisting disorders, and, for people who are predisposed to a mental disorder, trauma can precipitate its onset. Mental disorders can occur almost simultaneously with trauma exposure or manifest sometime thereafter. Symptoms develop within 4 weeks of the trauma and can cause significant levels of distress. Most individuals who have acute stress reactions never develop further impairment or PTSD. Acute stress disorder is highly associated with the experience of one specific trauma rather than the experience of long-term exposure to chronic traumatic stress.
Diagnostic criteria are presented in Exhibit 1. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violation in one or more of the following ways: Directly experiencing the traumatic event s. The primary presentation of an individual with an acute stress reaction is often that of someone who appears overwhelmed by the traumatic experience. The need to talk about the experience can lead the client to seem self-centered and unconcerned about the needs of others.
He or she may need to describe, in repetitive detail, what happened, or may seem obsessed with trying to understand what happened in an effort to make sense of the experience. The client is often hypervigilant and avoids circumstances that are reminders of the trauma.
For instance, someone who was in a serious car crash in heavy traffic can become anxious and avoid riding in a car or driving in traffic for a finite time afterward. Partial amnesia for the trauma often accompanies ASD, and the individual may repetitively question others to fill in details.
The next case illustration demonstrates the time-limited nature of ASD. The primary difference is the amount of time the symptoms have been present.
The diagnosis of ASD can change to a diagnosis of PTSD if the condition is noted within the first 4 weeks after the event, but the symptoms persist past 4 weeks. ASD also differs from PTSD in that the ASD diagnosis requires 9 out of 14 symptoms from five categories, including intrusion, negative mood, dissociation, avoidance, and arousal. These symptoms can occur at the time of the trauma or in the following month. However, many people with PTSD do not have a diagnosis or recall a history of acute stress symptoms before seeking treatment for or receiving a diagnosis of PTSD.
Sheila Two months ago, Sheila, a year-old married woman, experienced a tornado in her home town. In the previous year, she had addressed a long-time marijuana use problem with the help of a treatment program and had been abstinent for about 6 months. Sheila was proud of her abstinence; it was something she wanted to continue. She regarded it as a mark of personal maturity; it improved her relationship with her husband, and their business had flourished as a result of her abstinence.
During the tornado, an employee reported that Sheila had become very agitated and had grabbed her assistant to drag him under a large table for cover. Sheila repeatedly yelled to her assistant that they were going to die. Following the storm, Sheila could not remember certain details of her behavior during the event.
Furthermore, Sheila said that after the storm, she felt numb, as if she was floating out of her body and could watch herself from the outside. She stated that nothing felt real and it was all like a dream. Following the tornado, Sheila experienced emotional numbness and detachment, even from people close to her, for about 2 weeks.
The symptoms slowly decreased in intensity but still disrupted her life. Sheila reported experiencing disjointed or unconnected images and dreams of the storm that made no real sense to her. She was unwilling to return to the building where she had been during the storm, despite having maintained a business at this location for 15 years.
In addition, she began smoking marijuana again because it helped her sleep. She had been very irritable and had uncharacteristic angry outbursts toward her husband, children, and other family members. As a result of her earlier contact with a treatment program, Sheila returned to that program and engaged in psychoeducational, supportive counseling focused on her acute stress reaction. She regained abstinence from marijuana and returned shortly to a normal level of functioning.
Her symptoms slowly diminished over a period of 3 weeks. With the help of her counselor, she came to understand the link between the trauma and her relapse, regained support from her spouse, and again felt in control of her life.
Intervention for ASD also helps the individual develop coping skills that can effectively prevent the recurrence of ASD after later traumas. Although predictive science for ASD and PTSD will continue to evolve, both disorders are associated with increased substance use and mental disorders and increased risk of relapse; therefore, effective screening for ASD and PTSD is important for all clients with these disorders.
Individuals in early recovery—lacking well-practiced coping skills, lacking environmental supports, and already operating at high levels of anxiety—are particularly susceptible to ASD. Events that would not normally be disabling can produce symptoms of intense helplessness and fear, numbing and depersonalization, disabling anxiety, and an inability to handle normal life events.
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder The trauma-related disorder that receives the greatest attention is PTSD; it is the most commonly diagnosed trauma-related disorder, and its symptoms can be quite debilitating over time. Nonetheless, it is important to remember that PTSD symptoms are represented in a number of other mental illnesses, including major depressive disorder MDDanxiety disorders, and psychotic disorders Foa et al.
Individuals must have been exposed to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence, and the symptoms must produce significant distress and impairment for more than 4 weeks Exhibit 1.
The following criteria apply to adults, adolescents, and children older than 6 years. Michael Michael is a year-old Vietnam veteran. He is a divorced father of two children and has four grandchildren. Both of his parents were dependent on alcohol. He describes his childhood as isolated.
His father physically and psychologically abused him e. By age 10, his parents regarded him as incorrigible and sent him to a reformatory school for 6 months. By age 15, he was using marijuana, hallucinogens, and alcohol and was frequently truant from school.