Meet other goths

meet other goths

I would like to find a woman for a long-term monogamous relationship. What I'm really looking for is like you know, a permanent relationship. Sign up. Goth Scene is a free goth dating site with the aim of making it easier for like minded gothic single people to meet and get to know each other. Go to a goth club or any alternative music festival that plays goth music or at least movies, or even a renaissance fair etc just try looking for different events.

First you say that what I said doesn't make sense, then you explain why what I said does make sense. That is, of course there are people in the OP's age range who were listening to similar kinds of music when they were younger. They might still have an affinity with that music now. But he just gave musical tastes as background context for wanting "goth" types. It's like the difference between people who loved "hippie" music when they were teenagers in the '60s and still have an attachment to that music many, many people and year-olds who are still literal, overt "hippies" very few.

Again, these are all generalizations and back-of-the-envelope statistics. Are there die-hard goths in their 40s? I'm sure there are. But have the vast majority of the kids I knew in high school who were into goth culture settled down into a more-or-less mainstream existence, even if they still have a countercultural personality which might appeal to the OP and some of the same music in their iPods?

I bet they have. Which means they're unlikely to be on a goth-specific dating site, which is what I believe this question is about.

The 100% Free Goth Dating Site

And to be clear, I'm not saying that his musical taste is so incredibly unusual that he's unlikely to find women who share it. I mean, one of his examples was Nirvana -- a fairly popular band! Do you go to goth or industrial clubs? That's a much easier way to meet people in the subculture than to date online. Your age may or may not be a problem depending on what your local scene is like, but where I live Vancouver there is a whole age range and a lot of people in their 30's and 40's.

A lot of people who do have the same taste as you won't identify as goth because of all the embarrassing things the label entails. I am a clove-smoking black-wearing Bauhaus fan but I would rather have a root canal than join a goth dating site or something like Vampirefreaks.

You can date someone with different taste in books and music than you. Plus, a lot of the bands you mentioned Nirvana, Metallica etc. Give them a chance and open yourself to different kinds of people.

meet other goths

Even "normal" people can enjoy morbid jokes. You're probably not as full of "misery and darkness" as you think you are. No matter what your style or taste, being obsessed with how different and daaark you are will make you come across as a pretentious twit. Some very interesting points.

Meet the goths who love Trump | The Outline

It's going to take me a while to read and assimilate it all, but I do appreciate it! To clarify one thing: I'm not trying to disparage the "laid back," "go with the flow" girls. I have nothing but respect for them. It's just that I don't know how to make them laugh. Blanket generalities and assumptions do not get a man laid or engaged or whatever sweet middle you're looking for.

meet other goths

Not a woman on earth wants to hear "I don't know how to Be a better and more interesting person for it. Jillian Venters, author of Gothic Charm Schoolis in her early 40s and going strong - and brilliantly so, if you ask me. Jared Louche of Chemlab makes no secret of the fact that he's So you needn't worry about your age.

meet other goths

For some of us, "goth" is a hell of a lot more than a high school stereotype; among other things, it's also a lifestyle, a passion for music, an aesthetic, an appreciation of dark themes in art and literature, a taste for the dramatic in fashion and home decor, a live-and-let-live attitude toward variation and diversity in human sexuality There's nothing wrong with any of that; in fact, age and maturity can actually deepen your appreciation for it.

Finding someone who's interested in monogamy may actually be more of a challenge in dating than your age is, because poly people are so heavily concentrated in the goth scene and other alternative subcultures. So I think the advice to take a closer look at women who may seem outwardly normal but may secretly want to "let their freak flag fly" as delmoi so aptly put it is also good. Just this week, in fact, I met an attractive single man who hardly ever wears black and would never be identified as "one of us" upon first glance, but whose musical tastes and other sensibilities, it turns out, are remarkably compatible with mine.

Quite a pleasant surprise. So I'd say be clear about what you want I like browolf's approach. I will tell you that one of the best things I have done in recent months to improve my social life, and therefore my dating prospects, is to revive my long-dormant Facebook account and use it to actively get to know other middle-aged eccentric and artsy people in my city. I go out to clubs and concerts as frequently as possible, take photos of bands and people on my friends list, and then post those photos to Facebook where my whole network can see them and comment on them.

I post frequently about my music listening habits, and comment on the posts of others with similar tastes in a way that encourages further discussion. I also actively encourage my friends to introduce me to their other friends, both on Facebook and in person. There's been a bit of flirting, a few attempts from friends to fix me up with their single friends, and even a couple of dates.

That's quite a bit of success for an introvert like me! If you're in a city with a fairly sizable goth scene, I'll bet you can do the same.

If you're in SF as mentioned earlier in this thread, I'm sure you know there is a large goth scene there. Take advantage of it. Ask your friends to introduce you around! You can also link your dating profile from your Facebook account and other sites, so that interested people can check it out.

meet other goths

You could also try Gothic Personals. That site is kind of clunky and could use a redesign, but at least it's free, and it's run by someone who's actually involved in the goth scene. If you have a profile on a music site like last. Sometimes music sites can lead you to other cool people in your local area who share your musical tastes but with whom you might not cross paths at the clubs and shows.

Hell, I happen to have several awesome gothy friends in the Bay area. If you want, I'll ask if I can give you their contact info, and maybe they can introduce you to some of their friends, and so on, and with a little luck and effort you'll be off and running. Memail me if interested. Good luck, and rock on with your bad, black-clad self! I thought this description: I'm still cleaning out the tumbleweeds. So I'd say keep up the jokes; it's a good way to weed out those who don't share your sense of humor.

I'm one of those, and I've got to imagine there's still plenty of others. Of course, this is more just a "don't worry" comment than a "how to find them" one.

People You Meet at Goth Clubs

Wait, who is saying this? Yet you seem to be alluding to my earlier comments. Saying that goths are mainly prevalent around high school age and tend to drop it once they get into even the age range, and even more so by the time they'reis not saying that being a goth is inherently an "adolescent phase. There's nothing inherently bad about things that are done mostly in the teenage years.

We could make a list of good things teenagers do much more often than middle-aged people for instance, intensively learning foreign languages, or voraciously discovering lots of new music. So, observing that something's done mostly by young people isn't an insult.

And all these comments about how there are goths in their 40s seem to be clearly up a confusion that no one actually has. That is, nobody's questioning whether there are goths in their 40s. Of course there are. The question is whether this type should be the main focus of the OP's dating search.

To answer "no" is not to say that goths in the OP's age range don't exist, and it's certainly not to put down goths. I'm Jewish and a vegetarian. Clearly, I am not one to put down Jews or vegetarians, or deny that they exist in any age range. But if someone posted a question asking how to find Jewish vegetarians to date, I would recommend that this person stop and think about the actual numbers involved -- vegetarians being a quite small portion of the population, and Jews being 1.

Change that to Jewish vegans, and you're looking at less than 1 in 1, Americans. Therefore, if your main focus in dating is trying to find Jewish vegans, that's just not an ideal strategy. But of course, I wouldn't deny that Jewish vegans exist; they exist.

There just aren't enough of them to be worth ignoring all the other many types, or signing up for a website exclusive to them.

Gothic Charm School

You might even disagree with my view on dating strategy. Maybe you think my advice is too pessimistic or too focused on numbers. But let's be clear that no one, as far as I can tell, is saying goths in their 40s are juvenile or non-existent. But there is definitely a tendency in non-goth circles to dismiss goth as an adolescent phase that mature people outgrow, however, and that tendency is what I was trying to counter with my comments. The network-in-real-life advice e. My suggestion is more straightforward and similar to delmoi's.

Explain yourself and what you want in declarative sentences and real-life examples. What do you really offer to a partner? What do you really want? I'm assuming the reasons someone identifies as goth are actually rather deep and personal.

  • Goths for Trump

Some of what I say above are also feelings that I've seen very non-"goth" people have as well, and I'd hope that explaining yourself more clearly will help you find goths-at-heart who now wear khaki. I appreciate all of them, even the ones that were sort of "get over yourself. But I highlighted the ones that addressed my specific question of what's a good website. Went to clubs, parties, etc.

But I can't really do that any more. A lot of reasons, but the main one is that my ears just can't take the volume in the clubs. I already have chronic tinnitus. I can't afford to make it worse. So I'm afraid my Death Guild days are over. But that wasn't the real issue I was asking about anyway.

It isn't "how can I get into the goth scene? When I made my profile nicer and got rid of the doom jokes, things really started picking up. Here's an anecdote I find extremely funny. I was living with a girl and she had several pet rats. One of them went to the great Habitrail in the sky. She put it in the freezer, intending to bury it. Then she forgot about it.

Then we broke up. She moved out, unintentionally leaving the rat. The "laid back" "easy going" girls don't want to hear that shit. So although I don't was to actually return to the goth scene, I was just thinking that maybe on some subculture-oriented dating site I might find women with whom I have more in common an -- tastes, interests, idea of what's funny, and so on. I'll try that Gothic Match one. Look like it might be OK. E posted by eeby at 2: It's funny once I know the normal-sounding backstory.

But without knowing it, and depending on your tone of voice, it wouldn't be funny. It's confusing and has a slightly bitter undertone. I'd be like wtf? I'm getting a bit far-fetched here and jumping to conclusions that I might not jump to if I could hear your tone of voice, but you can see where that comment has a subtext beyond "dead, gross things are funny to me but not to some people.

To me, that comment violates rules about how and when to talk about exes, not rules about what kind of humor is allowed. Maybe this is the debate you were referring to in your opening question? If so, I'm sorry to bring up a slightly painful topic. I don't normally pull in people's history from elsewhere, but I do really think it bears on your question here. You claim your difficulty in meeting women is because of your sense of humor. I was trying to use humor to make a point.

But you had made a strong comment and said something you really seemed to believe. As hard as it may be, just ignore them. Of course, now you have first-hand experience as to why many, many people involved with a subculture and not just the goth one end up moving to big cities. Yes, it is a tough decision, and is a bigBIG change in your life. Do some research first about places you might like to call home. Which leads the Lady of the Manners right to your second concern — people ostracizing you for being a net.

Those sorts of goths usually think that anyone who is a net. Did you tell them you were a net. Or did they just act like pretentious twits from the get-go? This is where the mailing lists for local scenes come in handy. Most local goth mailing lists organize social events. Go to one of those if you can make itand meet some of your fellow online goth folk. I would like to meet some of you — how do I find you?

You see, many OldeSkool goths know and are friends with net. The thing to remember from all this is: This is how you meet people with similar interests to yours. Just remember to lurk for a bit to get an idea of how things work on whatever list you join, be polite in your emails, and use white space in your posts.

As always, if you have burning etiquette questions, send them to headmistress gothic-charm-school.