The Victim Role
Sep 14, I insisted in trying to rescue and take on others' responsibilities; I never their part in any problems that may arise from their values being disrespected. The savior-victim dynamic appears in all types of relationships, not just. Victim stancing is a power behavior that exploits the desire of others to help A primary aggressor playing the victim wants third parties to either inflict the abuse . Dec 12, The victim mindset is a habitual way of looking at life — an automatic For some, this way of being was role-modeled by parents or other caregivers . of a relationship and point it out, “Can I say something really straight?.
There is a tendency in people to believe that a 'greater' wrong trumps another wrong, so victim stancing quickly escalates into accusations of great misconduct, which however unfounded, seem to obligate others to respond.
For example, when a survivor expresses a desire or a need that the primary aggressor doesn't want to hear, the primary aggressor may start talking about his needs in a more pressured way.
It can be veiled as a compliment. However, survivors, generally take too much responsibility, but when they do complain, their complaints tend emphasize a lack of options. This can be distorted of course by learned helplessness, but it can also be accurate.
Primary aggressors tend to emphasize the inconvenience and frustration they experience when others say 'no', enforce boundaries, or refuse to cooperate with their plans, all of which the primary aggressor views as offenses or injuries.
Victimization is a reality of course. But the difference between that and victim stancing is readily apparent if the 'victim' is asked to express what they want versus being asked 'what happened'. A survivor in real need of help will ask for something constructive for themselves or their children: A primary aggressor playing the victim wants third parties to either inflict the abuse by punishing the the survivor, not believing her, requiring burdensome proof, etc, or to excuse the primary aggressor from accountability.
The most extreme form of victim stancing is threatening suicide when the survivor wants to or tries to end the relationship. The victim uses her down-and-out stories to play on your nurturing nature and compassion to gain your sympathy and support.
She uses guilt and underhanded coercion to influence you and gain your loyalty to turn you against the people she deemed have wronged her. They are emotionally draining.
In the beginning you feel good about helping your friend with her unfortunate circumstances—but she creates a neediness and crippling dependency on friends or co-workers. Her refusal to take responsibility for her behavior that contributes to her problems, drains your patience, energy and your emotions. They are stuck in their life. Victims believe that they are powerless in their life and she will give you a list of reasons why she is frozen in life.
You give her suggestions on how to improve her the quality of her life but she shrugs off your ideas. The victim puts others down and finds fault in people to gain a sense of superiority. If you fall out of her graces, she will harbor her grievance against you and covertly seek to get revenge. They have trouble being assertive.
Signs Someone Is Playing The Victim | Nancy Nichols
The victim struggles to ask for what she wants and needs in life. She lacks healthy relationship boundaries and she is unable to stand up to someone who mistreats her. They will cut you out of their life. If you try to make her look at the truth about her hurtful behavior, she will suddenly and emphatically cut you out of her life and then she will trash you to others to get people to side with her.
In a nutshell, Rita dwelled on her hurtful past, telling sad stories about her childhood and marriage. She blamed everyone and everything for the problems in her life. She was extremely suspicious of others and she instigated gossip to turn her friends against someone she imagined had mistreated her. She held her boyfriend responsible for her toxic relationship, and yet she was afraid to stand up his abuse because she feared his anger or he would abandon her.
How Playing the Victim will Silently Destroy Your Marriage - Living the Sweet Wife
When I tried to make her face the truth about her irresponsible, self-destructive behavior, she immediately cut me out life and she began confiding her problems to another girlfriend Are you tried of living your life as the underdog?
Do you struggle with low self-esteem issues? God, Please Fix Me! Paperback available in Barnes and Noble and Amazon.
- 7 Signs Someone Is ALWAYS Playing The Victim Role
- How Playing the Victim will Silently Destroy Your Marriage
Ebooks available at online stores.