Deteriorating relationship with father in law

How to deal with the difficult father-in-law - Telegraph

deteriorating relationship with father in law

You may not like your mother-in-law or your father-in-law or your in-laws very much but you certainly can love them and stay close to them. Your relationship with your in-laws is a delicate one. My father-in-law will often take the time to call me and actually tell me what a good job. So why are your parents-in-law still a pain? the feelings he has for them and offer support in his desire to maintain a relationship with them.

Remember that they're your loved one's family.

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I learned to love them. I mean, I loved them because they were my husband's parents and I loved him.

deteriorating relationship with father in law

Eliminate politics from discussion. Here's a specific tip that could not be more relevant during this election season: Keep political arguments out of in-law relations. It can be the biggest bomb in the minefield, and the elders say that these conflicts are unnecessary. There is simply no need to attempt to engage your in-laws in political debates or to convert them. Often, the urge is to make parents-in-law "really understand" what's going on in society and to show them how irrational or wrong-headed they are politically.

I heard many accounts of holiday dinners and family gatherings disrupted by debates over the President, the Congress, abortion, the death penalty, and on and on. According to the elders, you may not be able to avoid conflict over your in-laws' disapproval of your marriage, your job, your lifestyle, or how you raise your children.

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But you can make it a rule to take noisy and unnecessary political debates off the table. Remember, we're not talking here about a lively, enjoyable political discussion; I mean the kind that ends with slamming doors and a spouse crying in the car.

Let's return to Gwen for her advice. Gwen made in-law visits much more tolerable by following this lesson and cutting politics out of the interaction.

My husband didn't care for my dad because my dad was a completely different kind of person compared to my husband.

deteriorating relationship with father in law

My dad was the boss of everybody and everything. He was never aggressive; he never hit us kids or my mother. But he was a total boss. What my dad said was law and order and we all knew it. And my husband was a gentle, soft-spoken, easy-going person who would rather die than make a fuss.

He was a completely different personality. What should he do — or have done — to guard against, and repair, the split in his marriage? Mindfulnesscourage and strategy are the tools Dean needs for the job.

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He needs to be mindful of his tendency to form unconscious alliances with Jane which result in automatic, often passive, reactions driven by guilt, fear, habit, and unspoken loyalties. This step involves recognizing that he cannot trust his instinctive reactions and must be vigilant even when making seemingly innocuous decisions involving his mother.

He needs courage to take responsibility for setting limits with his mother and consciously acting in the best interest of his marriage and himself.

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Strategy involves figuring out ways to prepare himself to respond to his mother that establish a protective barrier and allow him to remain aligned with his wife.

The practical strategy here includes active collaboration with Laura to keep her in the loop, learning to recognize danger zones, and rehearsing safe, routine ways to respond to his mother. The key is for Dean to assume responsibility for declining — and refrain from attributing this decision to Laura or subtly blaming her.

Realizing that your spouse is now your main priority can be difficult for even the most loving parents. This can lead to resentment, interference, or bad feeling between your parents and your spouse. Clear communication can go a long way here.

deteriorating relationship with father in law

Sit down and have a good heart to heart with your parents. Let them know that you need to put your spouse first, but that you still love them dearly and want them in your life. Financial issues become a no-go zone The chances are your parents are used to being involved in your financial decisions to at least some degree.

Finances are a matter for you and your spouse to tackle together without any outside interference.

deteriorating relationship with father in law

This means cutting the apron springs on both sides.