9 Crucial Steps to Ending a Long-Term Relationship
Ending a long-term relationship involves heartbreak. It is up to you to minimize the damage as much as you can, making a clean break from your partner. If it doesn't hurt to read a short on the same, do read, 6 Minutes. The elevator Breaking Up · Relationship Advice . Why did your long-term relationship end?. No matter how many sad songs you hear, it's impossible to prepare for a breakup —especially one that ends a long, serious relationship.
You may also be interested in my article: How to end a relationship with someone you live with. Just in case you've landed on the wrong page If your partner wants to break up your relationship or marriage, then have a look at my page: How to 'make' your partner love you again. Having realistic expectations is important when you're thinking about ending a long-term relationship. I'm afraid it's not worth thinking that you can avoid any stress or upset I can understand that it's much more comfortable to pretend it's all going to be okay.
You might just find it excruciating to think of your partner being upset, or to see it happening. Particularly if you feel that you're the cause of the pain. However, I know that you can manage it, if you prepare yourself well before the start of the emotional roller-coaster Should you stay or walk away?
This test will help you to think through what's wrong and what's still right in your relationship. You may find that there's still hope of recovery - or discover that it really is time to go your own way. Do you think or hope there is still a chance that the two of you could work it out and avoid a breakup? Then get my Loving Communication Kit for Couples. The kit contains a bundle of action-packed, solution-focussed, relationship saving tools. Are you prepared for the breakup?
Are you really, really sure you want to break up? Yes No Have the two of you done all you can to save the relationship? For example, have you used my Communication Kit for Happy Couples? Yes No Have you been for relationship counselling together or had relationship counselling online assuming you're not in an abusive relationship? Yes Have you talked to your partner about your doubts?
Yes No Have you taken responsibility for your part in the downturn of your relationship and worked hard to make amends? Yes No Have you been faithful unless the two of you had an agreement about having other liaisons.? Yes Have you treated your partner as you hope to be treated yourself? Yes No Have you had some personal counselling to talk through what's going on for you, or for advice about ending your relationship?
Yes No Have you invested sufficient time and effort in this relationship - enjoyed the ups and worked through the downs? Yes Click here to get your results below Your score is: Well, the more thoughtless the ending From my professional experience You won't need to commit to weekly sessions, you could just have a few online, WhatsApp, or email conversations. I promise you, it can make all the difference. For further information, see my page: Relationship Breaking up Advice.
How to end a long term relationship: Hopefully, you'll also have read my article When to break up your relationship. This means that come what may, you're mentally prepared to stay calm and polite. Act in the way you'd have wanted your partner to behave if they were the one breaking up with you - however difficult your partner may make it for you. I promise you, if you need to engage a solicitor, that second step will help keep your costs down.
You won't be creating another layer of conflict on top of the one you're already dealing with. For help choosing the right lawyer see my article: How to Find a Lawyer Even if splitting up is unlikely to be amicable for whatever reasonyou may just manage a reasonable ending. You'll feel better for it and it may also help your partner to get over the ending sooner I hope that still matters to you, if only a little.
If you have children, the whole drama will be so much more manageable for them if the two of you can at the very least talk politely. Do all you can to stay as calm as possible. Stay in touch with family and friends and take time out for yourself to help you relax. How to end a relationship without causing unnecessary pain and bitterness It's very easy to make an already difficult situation even more unmanageable by doing any of the following: Putting the ending off when you really know you want to leave the relationship - sadly it just isn't going to be any easier a month or a year later.
It's unlikely that there's ever going to be a 'good' time for this type of ending. Of course, there could be a really bad time - for example in the middle of a major crisis. Try to calmly think through why exactly you've been putting it off and take a problem-solving approach to each reason or 'excuse' you come up with. Deliberately making life miserable and as difficult as possible in the hope that your partner says he or she no longer loves you and wants to end the relationship.
This would only add another layer of problems and stress on top of what you're dealing with already. Ending a long term relationship this way would leave you both with a very bitter taste in your mouth. Starting an affair The pain this causes should not be underestimated.
3 Ways to End a Long Term Relationship - wikiHow
Again, it just adds more problems and distress. Ultimately your adultery could cause a great deal of trauma to all involved - not just your partner. If you want to be able to end your relationship as well as you can, then you'll need to end the affair - at least until you've dealt with the ending of your marriage or relationship See my article: Avoiding any conversation about the problems in your relationship or marriage may result in your partner making assumptions.
He or she will be desperately trying to figure out what's going on. You could be suspected of having an affaireven if there is no infidelity.
Of course, if you are having an affair, I can understand you won't want to talk. However, you're only prolonging the agony if deep down you know you want to finish your primary relationship. Packing your bags and disappearing No further explanation is needed here. Holding on to anger and resentment costs too much precious energy When and how not to end a long-term relationship Avoid causing more hassle, pain and a potentially longer lasting and more expensive process.
Take heed of the following advice I may earn a commission from BetterHelp at no extra cost to you. Don't end a relationship during a telephone conversation.
How to end a relationship confidently and gracefully, and leave with dignity
Don't leave a voicemail with either a hint or a clear message about ending. Don't let someone else do the dirty job for you. Don't deliver the message in a public place. Come to an agreement on the timing of when to tell others. If possible, be together when you tell important friends and family. Blame is a game that nobody wins. It keeps you both stuck in your current reality. What matters is how to move forward. Blame sets you back and keeps you locked in the past. Forgiving, allowing the other person their version of reality, will set you free.
Talking about it keeps you a prisoner of the past. Resist the temptation to play the blame game, and you will be free to live your own life and create a better new reality soon enough! Ending A Long Term Relationship —Etiquette Tip 6 — Discuss and Respect the New Communication Terms Even though you are breaking up you want to come to an agreement about how you are going to interact in the future, whether it is through unplanned or deliberate contact.
If you have lives that are entwined, this becomes even more important to discuss, and agree on terms of communication or lack of before it becomes an issue. For example, you might agree to a cooling off period — thirty days with no face or voice contact. You might decide that major issues can be handled through e-mail or texting, but limit them to something like three a week. There is no one-size-fits-all formula for what kind of contact or non-contact is the right amount for you and your partner.
If you have children, or a business together, you are going to need to work out how contact can be handled with respect and efficiency.
Friends, family, co-workers and neighbors do not need to hear a laundry list of horrors. If you need to purge your story, find a therapist, chaplain, or one trusted friend who will allow you to spill, without him repeating what you have said. Being broken up with is painful enough, without hearing stories when you least expect it from others. Make a promise to keep your personal life — well -- personal.
So, while you should be as kind as you can be without hurting yourself, you do need to make sure you protect yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. This means paying attention to your boundaries. How much contact with your wounded ex can you handle?
You may have your own pain around ending the relationship, and you need to take care of yourself before you can extend yourself to your ex. This is often a balancing act, because he or she may be pulling on you for comfort, and you have to manage your own ability to disconnect without being unnecessarily rough on him or her. You are in a process of separation, which is more than just physically leaving. There are layers of leaving. Perhaps you have left physically, but there are stages of disconnecting, and you need to respect this multi-layered process you are in, as well as what your ex is experiencing.
As best you can, surround yourself with friends and loved ones who care about you. But try not to jump into another intimate relationship too soon. You need to separate on all levels before your heart is really ready to connect to a new partner.
If this is your situation, so be it. But if possible, try not to jump into a new relationship before you have had a chance to heal from your current relationship.
Jumping too quickly into a new partnership means that you are likely to repeat old patterns, and you may soon find that you are in the same relationship that you were in before, just with a new face.