7 Strategies on Dealing with Jealousy in Intimate Relationships | HuffPost
It's a basic reality that relationships go smoother when people don't get overly jealous. The more we can get a hold on our feelings of jealousy and make sense . Overcoming reactions of jealousy often require addressing core beliefs related to insecurity, self Overcoming Jealousy, and Control in Relationships. Figuring out how to deal with jealousy in a relationship is no easy task, in your relationship, plus expert tips on how to handle those feelings.
This voice can fuel our feelings of jealousy by filling our heads with critical and suspicious commentary. In fact, what our critical inner voice tells us about our situation is often harder to cope with than the situation itself. A rejection or betrayal from our partner is painful, but what often hurts us even more are all the terrible things our critical inner voice tells us about ourselves after the event.
Did you really think you could just be happy? You should never trust anyone again. While these two forms of jealousy often overlap, considering them separately can help us better understand how jealous feelings may be affecting different areas of our lives and how we can best deal with jealousy. Remember, our jealousy often comes from insecurity in ourselves — a feeling like we are doomed to be deceived, hurt or rejected. Unless we deal with this feeling in ourselves, we are likely to fall victim to feelings of jealousy, distrust or insecurity in any relationship, no matter what the circumstances.
These negative feelings about ourselves originate from very early experiences in our lives. We often take on feelings our parents or important caretakers had toward us or toward themselves. We then, unconsciously, replay, recreate or react to old, familiar dynamics in our current relationships. For example, if we felt cast aside as kids, we may easily perceive our partner as ignoring us. The extent to which we took on self-critical attitudes as children often shapes how much our critical inner voice will affect us in our adult lives, especially in our relationships.
Yet, no matter what our unique experiences may be, we all possess this inner critic to some degree. The degree to which we believe this fear affects how threatened we will feel in a relationship. It reminds us we are unlovable and not cut out for romance.
There must be someone else. He wants to get away from you. In an attempt to protect ourselves, we may listen to our inner critic and pull back from being close to our partner.
Competitive Jealousy While it may feel pointless or illogical, it is completely natural to want what others have and to feel competitive.
However, how we use these feelings is very important to our level of satisfaction and happiness. If we use these feelings to serve our inner critic, to tear down ourselves or others, that is clearly a destructive pattern with demoralizing effects.
It can feel good when we simply let ourselves have the momentary feeling without judgment or a plan for action. However, if we ruminate or twist this thought into a criticism of ourselves or an attack on another person, we wind up getting hurt.
7 Strategies on Dealing with Jealousy in Intimate Relationships
If we find ourselves having an overreaction or feeling haunted by our feelings of envy, we can do several things. Be aware of what gets triggered.
A co-worker who speaks her mind in meetings? Ask yourself what critical inner voices come up. What types of thoughts do these jealous feelings spark? Are you using these feelings of jealousy to put yourself down?
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Do they make you feel insignificant, incapable, unsuccessful etc.? Is there a pattern or theme to these thoughts that feels familiar? Think about the deeper implications and origins of these thoughts: Do you feel a certain pressure to achieve a particular thing? What would getting this thing mean about you?
Does this connect to your past? We can have more compassion for ourselves and try to suspend the judgments that lead us to feel insecure. How to Deal with Jealousy What to Do: We should try to do just that when we feel jealous.
Occasional jealousy is okay and may even add a little excitement and zest to the relationship. But what to do when this jealousy becomes more frequent and intense and even overwhelming? Why Do People Get Jealous? The common evolutionary explanation for jealousy is that men fear sexual infidelity as they want to be absolutely certain that their offspring is actually theirs.
Women, are more concerned with emotional infidelity, because they are concerned with their children's survival and want to make sure that their partner supports their children, provide and protect them. Today more than ever before, people are afraid of being rejected, not accepted, not being loved and worry about losing people they care for. These feelings of loss are natural. Yet, again, when thought and feelings of jealousy are extreme, they stem partially as a result of insecurities.
When fear lessens, so does jealousy. If you experience jealousy very frequently, here are some strategies that will help you out: The feeling of jealousy or any other feelings is not the problem, the real trouble starts when you start acting on that jealousy and let it consume you. You can feel the feeling, but do not have to act on it.
That world contains people of gender that they sexually prefer but that does not mean that they will cheat on you with them. There is a reason why they are in an intimate relationship with you. If they wanted to date other people, they would have done so. So, the next time you feel jealous, accept the feelings, yet change the way you think about the situation and be reasonable and wise. Calm Down and Stay Vulnerable To love is to be vulnerable.
Yes, it is not easy, but you need to be willing to accept what is beyond your control and trust yourself to deal with the unknown.
Remember, you are in the relationship, because you decide to love. It is a choice you make to love your partner and at the same time accept the risks without any qualms or jealousy. Express Your Jealousy in A Soft Way If you feel that your partner is doing something that is making you jealous, you can express how you feel and talk to them in a mature way.
You can also communicate it with humor, diplomacy or directly as long as it is respectful. If you are humorous, you can joke about how insanely jealous you are when your partner pays attention to someone else.
Laugh with them as you say this, because it will take the pressure off the topic and will get the message across.