Having second thoughts about a long distance relationship

7 Signs You Should Probably End Your Long Distance Relationship

having second thoughts about a long distance relationship

People tend to think long-distance relationships are one of the hardest possible me again, explaining how wrong he was, and asking for a second chance. But it has also dawned on me that I can't make myself the victim of circumstances. that makes you irritated, and exchange thoughts about it calmly and respectfully. It's the time of year where long distance relationships notoriously crumble. distance can strengthen your relationship and I thought I'd share a few of Chris and I's tips Of that time, how much has been long distance? Our first year together was in high school, our second year we went to different colleges. I've been in this LDR for half a year now and the entire time the relationship has been very unbalanced. We both used to be in Canada and 5.

We visited a great restaurant in London with fantastic views over the Thames.

having second thoughts about a long distance relationship

I was looking around and enjoying the view, people watching, when he became withdrawn and quiet. Then a male colleague and friend texted me one evening during that visit holidays. The questions from John followed quickly: Why was he texting me? Did his wife know? The fact that John was acting jealous and insecure seems obvious now as I write this down, but it was less obvious then. I really liked this guy. He made me laugh. He was smart, sexy, and interested in me. Over time, though, these red flags became empty promises.

Empty Promises I work in the male-dominated field of law enforcement, and I had learned some lessons the hard way during the marriage that had just ended.

I brought them up with him. He promised to change. He backed off for a couple of days, but within a week or two we were right back to the same old patterns. I tried conveying every way possible of my feelings for him—which were still strong. I tried talking about our cultural differences in this area, and how I had had male friends and male colleagues my entire life. I told him the thing he was so afraid of being hurt and losing me was the very thing that was happening, due to his smothering behavior.

He claimed to have realized where he was going wrong. He even began reading a book to help with his insecurities and anxiety. I gave him reassurance.

How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship | Mark Manson

I never lied to him about my whereabouts or who I was with, and I made clear my intentions for our relationship. I wanted to compromise and have that reciprocated. However, he just could not tolerate me spending any time with male friends, or with colleagues outside of work. Trust The key to every relationship is trust and communication. You must learn to build trust in your relationship, meaning that if you see a picture of your SO from a party on social media, do not immediately jump to conclusions.

This sounds ridiculously difficult, but it is possible—with a lot of communication, trust and support. Habit Your relationship is going to start feeling habitual. All long distance couples go through this stage. Your SO will become your one constant in life, someone who is always there for you both spiritually and mentally. Uncertainty Uncertainty is a stage that will come up time and time again in any long distance relationship.

It is natural to be uncertain; nobody can predict the future. When you enter this stage, you will wonder to yourself why you are going through all this pain for one person. Fights are bound to happen and they will raise important questions about your relationship. The trick is to fight the core of the problem right away and make sure that it does not cause other issues to arise.


If you and your SO just cannot work it out, then you might want to consider taking a break or spending some time alone to reflect on yourself and your own life.

Commitment Closure There comes a stage in your long distance relationship when you realize that you are doing something very irrational.

You must both have a converging trajectory at some point on the horizon. Otherwise, you will inevitably drift apart. In some cases, people get insanely jealous or irrationally possessive of their partner because they perceive every casual social outing without them as potentially threatening to their relationship. Are you hiding something from me?

I am the only fun in your life! All of these irrational fantasies are unhelpful. Make Communication Optional A lot of long distance couples create rules or expectations that they should have X number of calls or that they need to talk every night at a certain time.

You can even find some articles online recommending this sort of behavior. You talk to each other when you want to, not because you have to. And if that means going days without communicating, then so be it.

Long-Distance Relationships – The BRUTAL Truth About How to Make Them Work (Matthew Hussey)

People get busy, after all. Suspenders just wants to play Candy Crush. When you force communication, two things can happen. Welcome to every shitty marriage ever.

having second thoughts about a long distance relationship

This half-assed communication often creates more problems than it solves. Like, if your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than catching up with you, chances are you should just hang up and try again tomorrow. There is such a thing as overexposure. The second problem that can happen from forcing communication is that one or both people can begin to resent feeling obligated to the other person all of the time.

having second thoughts about a long distance relationship

The best way to go is to make all communication optional. Both of you can opt out at any time. The trick is to not take these opt outs personally when they happen — after all, your partner is not your slave. If your partner spontaneously feels as though she only wants to talk a few times a week instead of a few times a day, that is both the cause AND the effect of her feeling more distant. And easier said than done.

having second thoughts about a long distance relationship