Anxiety is ruining my relationship
How Generalized Anxiety Disorder Can Affect Your Relationships feeling fearful or defensive in romantic relationships; avoiding doing things. People with social anxiety disorder may constantly worry how they are being judged by others, so they may avoid romantic relationships or dating in general. having an untreated anxiety disorder can affect their romantic life. Forums / Anxiety / Anxiety is ruining my relationship happens that is out of my comfort zone and try everything I can to stop it happening.
These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles. Our attachment pattern is established in our childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.
It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety. You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here. What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety? The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large.
Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions. Critical Inner Voices about the Relationship People just wind up getting hurt. Relationships never work out. Men are so insensitive, unreliable, selfish. Women are so fragile, needy, indirect.
Managing anxiety and depression in relationships
He only cares about being with his friends. Why get so excited? She is too good for you.
As soon as she gets to know you, she will reject you. As we shed light into our past, we quickly realize there are many early influences that have shaped our attachment pattern, our psychological defenses and our critical inner voice. All of these factors contribute to our relationship anxiety and can lead us to sabotage our love lives in many ways.
Listening to our inner critic and giving in to this anxiety can result in the following actions: Cling — When we feel anxious, our tendency may be to act desperate toward our partner. We may stop feeling like the independent, strong people we were when we entered the relationship. As a result, we may find ourselves falling apart easily, acting jealous or insecure or no longer engaging in independent activities.Anxiety and Relationships
Control — When we feel threatened, we may attempt to dominate or control our partner. This behavior can alienate our partner and breed resentment.
Reject — If we feel worried about our relationship, one defense we may turn to is aloofness. We may become cold or rejecting to protect ourselves or to beat our partner to the punch. These actions can be subtle or overt, yet it is almost always a sure way to force distance or to stir up insecurity in our partner.
Withhold — Sometimes, as opposed to explicit rejection, we tend to withhold from our partner when we feel anxious or afraid. Perhaps things have gotten close, and we feel stirred up, so we retreat.
We hold back little affections or give up on some aspect of our relationship altogether. Withholding may seem like a passive act, but it is one of the quietest killers of passion and attraction in a relationship. Punish — Sometimes, our response to our anxiety is more aggressive, and we actually punish, taking our feelings out on our partner.
We may yell and scream or give our partner the cold shoulder.
Anxiety and Romance: Managing Relationship Anxiety
In this state of fantasy, we focus on form over substance. We may stay in the relationship to feel secure but give up on the vital parts of relating.
In a fantasy bond, we often engage in many of the destructive behaviors mentioned above as a means to create distance and defend ourselves against the anxiety that naturally comes with feeling free and in love. Learn more about the fantasy bond here.
In order to overcome, relationship anxiety, we must shift our focus inward. What critical inner voices are exacerbating our fears? What defenses do we possess that could be creating distance?
Everyone is susceptible to day-to-day stress manifesting as worry about a relationship, fear of the dating process, or trouble communicating with a partner.
Article continues below Are you suffering from anxiety? Take our 2-minute anxiety quiz to see if you may benefit from further diagnosis and treatment.
Action Steps for Managing Relationship Anxiety Ask for help — Never assume that you have to learn to manage anxiety in relationships by yourself. Consider how individual counseling can help you manage your fears about relationships or take steps towards a happier dating life.
Couples counseling can also help people learn to improve communication and build problem-solving skills in their relationship. Build your own interests — If you are putting all of your focus on a romantic relationship, chances are you are going to feel anxious.
People who have solid relationships with family and friends and put focus on their own personal goals and interests are likely to make better partners, and they are less likely to experience separation anxiety or uncertainty about the relationship. Examine your thinking — Anxiety makes it difficult to objectively assess whether a worry is legitimate. Consider whether you need to work on managing your anxiety through healthy habits, communicate better with your partner, or address issues of concern in the relationship.
Share your values — Sometimes people in relationships are so focused on making another person like them that they forget to speak up for their own values and needs.