How to Be in Control in a Relationship: 12 Tips for You - EnkiRelations
There's a subject that frequently comes up when women talk about relationships and it's the issue of not feeling in control of their own. Do you ever quiet down your mind and listen to that recurring thought screaming out at you. This week for me is was around boundaries. Sometimes you are engaged in a relationship where you can't stop thinking about your lover. You get a phone call and you hope it's your.
Even though we may feel hurt, disregarded, or enraged by their behavior, our partner cannot make us be mean, defensive, or victimized. We also reduce our chances of getting the respectful, caring, loving responses we want from our partner.
When we get triggered emotionally, we often take our eye off the ball and forget what our ultimate goal is.
How to Be in Control in a Relationship
We respond in ways that create more distance with the people with whom we seek to be closest, be it our partner, our kids, a parent or other family member, or even a boss or co-worker. For example, our partner may very well have a condescending way of relating to us at times that is understandably irritating.
You treat me like an idiot. Stop acting so superior. He felt that he was just trying to be helpful, listened to her request to stop directing her, and then got yelled at for no reason. His response was to get quiet and sulk for the rest of the day, even after his wife apologized. Both people in this interaction were reacting to something real in the present, but they were also unintentionally triggering old feelings in each other. His giving her directions ignited feelings she had experienced in her past with a controlling, critical mother.
We often experience our lives through a filter of our own histories, insecurities, worries, expectations, or inner critic.
It can leave us feeling easily criticized or slighted by specific things — thinking someone is angry with us, for example. We put our own spin, interpretation, or projection onto the world around us. Therefore, we often react irrationally.
Take Control of Who You Are in Your Relationship - PsychAlive
Couples, in particular, have a tendency to act in this way. Of course, our partner will sometimes say and do things that upset us. When we act out or take the low road in responding, we usually just feel bad.
We turn against ourselves and the other person. And we rarely get what we want. Essentially, we are back in our past, reacting with intensity that has nothing to do with the present. And though we can never control another person, when we change our reaction, we make it much more likely to shift the dynamic, soften the other person, and keep the interaction between two adults in their lives today. For example, returning to the couple who got into an argument while driving, the woman was determined to take a different approach the next time they had a potentially heated interaction.
You should be thanking me, not telling me what I did wrong! Instead of being at odds all night, the two of them were able to feel closer and more like themselves, even while addressing a mutual source of stress. We can all take control of our responses and be the type of partner we want to be.
Gain Control Over Your Relationship Without Being Controlling | Vivala
We can shift the dynamic by changing our half of the interaction. Here are some principles we can adopt to achieve this outcome: Take a pause to decide how you want to react.How To Regain Power In Relationships
This type of confidence will help you have more power in a relationship. If you are struggling with confidence, try to remember what is most important to you and that you are valuable and deserving. Then, exude this in your relationship to help gain a bit of control. If you want to be taken more seriously by your partner and gain a bit more control, then make sure to follow through with your words.
Your partner will feel the difference and respect you more if you act consistent with your comments. Also, you want to make sure to follow through and act when you are having a conflict with your partner.
If you say there will be certain repercussions, then make sure you stick to your guns. It works the same for keeping promises; make sure to be honest and do what you say. In relationships, respect is critical, so show your partner you respect yourself. Take care in how you speak about yourself, how you handle power and how you view your character.
This will all be echoed back by your partner. By taking the non-violent, silent approach, you will catch your partner off guard, which may help shift the power balance. This will also help you gain some control that you may have lost.
It shows that you are in control of your behavior and choices and that you take it seriously. Show them that you love yourself, that you can complete yourself without them, and that your relationship adds to the fabulous life you already have. This will help you in figuring out how to be in control in a relationship.