11 Warning Signs of Emotional Abuse in Relationships
Sep 20, Here are signs that you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship. Keep in mind, even if your partner only does a handful of these things. Emotional abuse precedes violence but is often unnoticed and rarely discussed. Other aspects of the relationship may work well: The abuser may be loving between If you look back, you may recall tell-tale signs of control or jealousy. Aug 2, However, many are so focused on physical forms of abuse that they too often miss the warning signs of emotional abuse, at least, until they find.
In time, self-doubt creates a loss of trust in your perception and judgment, making you all the more vulnerable to a partner who wants to control you. Lambertpsychotherapist and author of Women with Controlling Partners 3. Your partner requires constant check-ins and wants to know where you are and who you are with at all times.
There is truth to the saying that behind every mean or sarcastic remark is a grain of truth. Your partner is hot and cold. They deny being withdrawn, and you start panicking, trying hard to get back into their good graces. Done often enough, this can turn a relatively independent person into an anxious pleaser — which is where your partner wants you. You might have a soft spot for the pain of others or feel emotions intensely.
You might simply want a hug, a calm conversation, a loving response, or a supportive comment. So he or she derides you for having them. Turning other people against you. Your abusive partner feels threatened by the positive attention, praise, or love shown to you by others.
She wants to taint your reputation in order to make herself look like the star or to prevent you from having outside influences or distractions. Corrects or chastises you for your behavior.
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No matter what you do, it never seems good enough for your partner. He or she is constantly pointing out what you do wrong or how you could be doing it better. You are made to feel incompetent and stupid, even when you have done your best.
11 Warning Signs of Emotional Abuse in Relationships
Shares your personal information with others. Your abusive partner uses your personal information as a weapon against you. If you've shared something private or shameful with your partner, he or she doesn't treat that information with dignity and compassion. Rather, it's seen as a useful tool for controlling, manipulating, and shaming you. Accuses you of being crazy or being the abusive partner. You know you rarely feel loved, but she claims you are off your rails and unappreciative of the good treatment you receive.
You feel completely trapped and confused. Invalidates or denies their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted. You finally have the courage to speak up to your partner about his or her behaviors, but you are met with a blank stare and a complete denial. No matter how many examples you give or how convincing you might be, your abusive partner uses gaslighting and refuses to admit that he or she is emotionally abusive.
Accuses you of lying or having a bad memory. He comes home with a brand-new sports car and swears the two of you discussed it. You would never have felt comfortable spending that money on something so frivolous. Hijacks a conversation to confuse or divert the subject away from your needs.
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Rather than listening to you, she starts yelling and complaining that you never listen to her and that you only care about yourself. Plays intentional mind games. Blames you for his or her bad behavior. And the argument your partner presents is so compelling, you start to believe it yourself. You have opened your calendar, your phone, and your computer to your partner to prove your innocence. Logic and truth mean nothing to your abuser.
Your abuser's snide remarks or passive-aggressive behaviors are all in your head. You are just too sensitive to see things clearly. At least that's what your abuser wants you to think. He wants you to believe he is the grown-up, while you are just an overly-needy child. Tries to make you feel as though he or she is always right, and you are wrong.
You may know in your heart of hearts that you are right about something.
How to Tell if You're in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
It could be trivial or important, but your abuser digs in and won't admit that you are right. He or she is so convincing and adamant that you begin to doubt yourself. Makes excuses for their behavior, tries to blame others and has difficulty apologizing. Your abusive partner never steps up to personal responsibility.
He or she deflects and blames rather than acknowledging and apologizing. You've lost complete respect for your partner because of his or her inability to own the issues that a causing so many problems.
Blames you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness. They rationalize their behavior by claiming that they worry about you and are concerned for your safety. The intensity of the relationship starts to feel more like smothering, with your partner growing more and more attached. In the process, you begin to slowly lose touch with friends and family, and the relationship becomes overwhelming and exhausting.
In an effort to prove your devotion to them, you work harder to appease their fears — spending less time out with friends, cutting off communication with anyone who could be considered romantically interested, and sacrificing family gatherings to avoid conflict. In reality, they are just attempting to hide their jealousy. You become increasingly isolated from support systems like friends and family, and as a result, you become more and more dependent on your partner.
Their love is based on your willingness to conform to what they want, and a lack of submission will result in them either becoming cold and detached, or aggressive and angry. They use affection as a tactic to exploit and control you. They use you and those around them as an outlet to vent their anger. Eventually, you start to think that you might actually be at fault for their irritation or the problems in your relationship.